this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2026
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[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 27 points 2 weeks ago (13 children)

"My statement was obviously an exaggeration. It was not meant as advice to be taken literally," he said. "The overwhelming majority of men are not violent and are not criminals."

I guess better advice would be how to get background information on prospective partners and, if there's no history in the courts or from former partners, what some red flags to look for might be. How do you differentiate the safe men from the dangerous ones?

From the article, the chief and the reporter got threats afterward. A bit ironic to want to do violence to someone who warned that relationships can become violent.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (11 children)

There is no way to predict the future. A lot of violence in relationship takes months/years to appear. Plenty of violent and abusive people have no criminal record or red flags. And the ones who are really good at it... know how to manipulate people and tend to be very charming and attractive. There is no 'standard profile' of an abuser.

Further lots of bad partners only drop their good person act once they have reached a level of security in the relationship. I had one girlfriend who only started physically attacking me once we had reached the stage of moving in. Because she finally felt she 'had' me and she could be her 'real self', and that 'real self' was a terrible person and her fake self had been wonderful. Her 'feeling safe' with me was what allowed her to slap, punch, and kick me. She was totally shocked and BETRAYED that I left her for her physical abuse, because I was a stupid man who didn't understand that "I had made her really angry and she couldn't help herself because she loves me so much!"

[–] super_user_do@feddit.it 8 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

There's plenty of men in similar situations. I have heard men basically describing that they have been sexually assaulted without them even understanding that they are victims. I got friends who would be considered victims of domestic violence if they were women

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago

Hey stop listening to my conversations, that was in private!

Seriously though that happened to me lol. Had an ex ask "what were your worst sexual encounters" and she literally had to tell me those were all sexual assault (on me not by me).

One of them would legally be rape if she was a guy (maybe two actually) but in my state women can't be charged with rape and even if they could good luck convincing a jury that I wasn't actually "lucky" or I'm not "secretly gay" and she was hot so I "must have enjoyed it" anyway.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

yes, because our society basically thinks female on male sexual assault is 'getting lucky'. even when it's female on male underage rape, the media portrays it as no big deal and the majority of the commentary is 'that boy was so lucky'. but if it's male on female, the male assaulter is the scum of the earth and people fantasize about killing him.

I wouldn't be shocked at all if female to male partner violence was roughly on par with male on female violence, in reality. some studies show the rates are much higher than anyone suspects. but there is so much bias that female on male assault is not assault, sexual, physical, emotional, etc. our gender norms basically permit women to be violent without shame or consequence, meanwhile we are eternally vigilant about male on female violence.

One of my biggest take away from therapy was learning it's NOT OK for a woman to scream, hit, threaten, or use other abusive/manipulative tactics on me. It's also why I've basically been almost perpetual single since therapy, because the vast majority of women I have ever dated do these things and it's considered completely normal for a man to tolerate it, and totally unacceptable for a man to do these things to a woman. The double standards are completely insane.

But hey, clearly I'm a closeted homosexual if I don't enjoy being screamed at, threatened with violence, or physically/sexually assaulted by a woman!

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