this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2023
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I've noticed friends chose their faith themselves. I've lost four really good friends, that I've known for 15+ years, by them just not talking to me anymore. That's it, no angry shout-out, no "oh you changed a lot", no complain about me trying to contact them or any remarks on why they might not want to hang out with me. They just never go online anymore and don't reacting to the phone to trying to hang out. I know they aren't dead, as other people I still know are in contact with them.
My conclusion is, that a lot of people don't know anymore what friendship is and that they destroy this themselves until they are old but have no one left to hang out with but shallow TikTok level of friendships.
Some people vanish because they struggle with life. Maybe that's not relateable for everyone, but sometimes people do not have the energy to maintain friendships. There is nothing that you can do on your end but there also is nothing they can do on their end.
From addictions to mental crisis, autoimmune disease or chronic pain there is so much that can suck a person dry. Also all kinds of family and relationship issues.
Sometimes the difference between the friends these people still have contact with and those who they don't have contact with comes down to marginal differences like living close by and crossing ways regularly.
This is me. I barely have the energy to get through each day. Maintaining friendships feels like an impossible mountain to climb. Being an introvert plays a large part in this as I feel more tired after hanging out with friends. In truth, friendship has almost always felt like a burden more than a benefit to me. I kept them because I had to, or I was supposed to. I don’t feel like I’m missing much now.
I am that friend that vanished that you are describing.
In my case, I tried talking to the friend that bothered me ( an unmedicated ADHD alcoholic mess of a friend) he told me to fuck off.
I even stopped hanging out with my old group of friends that involved this guy that I described because it became this: male anger space to vent off, suicide jokes, complain about work, glorify alcohol, try out different types of drugs. No, thank you, I don't want to do a live action of Rick n Morty.
There is no talking with a group where everyone decided to stay together on a shitty decision. I tried once and they got really angry and made me the wrong one for going to the gym, waking up early, quitting alcohol, etc.
I still keep in touch from afar and now, almost 10 years later, some of them are saying " yeah, the doctor told me to drop the alcohol", " yeah now I found the right meds for me and I aint as angry"
Everybody goes at their own pace, but expecting other friends to stay with you during this journey is ludicrous.
I went my way and although it hurt, sometimes its the best thing you can do for your mental health and integrity