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Residents Beg Michigan Mayor to Stop Solar Eclipse - He Scientifically Can't (rivergrandrapids.com)

submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

38 comments fedilink hide all child comments

“I've been told that I need to stop this eclipse and I do not have the authority to do that. So yes, people are really concerned. But we're just trying to prepare them.”

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[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 88 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

I do not have the authority to do that.

You just didn’t pray hard enough!

Edit: on a serious note, I get why the town is panicking. Shit is gonna be crazy for them

[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 48 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My neighborhood is in the path of totality. Someone on Nextdoor is trying to sell use of a spot in their driveway on the day of the eclipse for $700.

[–] ZeroCool@slrpnk.net 33 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah it’s a funny headline but they’re gonna be overrun with tourists and it’s gonna be pretty inconvenient. Unfortunately celestial bodies don’t care. 🤷‍♂️

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

At the end of the article it asks "why come to Luna Pier when you can be in Toledo with get better amenities and the eclipse lasts longer?"

[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Because things are too expensive and sold out in ~~Toronto~~ Toledo.They’re not in Luna Pier.

Edit: Geography’s hard….

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

You're off by a few letters or 250+ miles there 😄

[–] ours@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

Toledo: the Great White North.

[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago

Ha! I’d say a few letters.

[–] ours@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Everybody knows celestial bodies only listen to us if we do a proper human sacrifice. Preferably from a tall place.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

And ideally of someone who doesn't fuck.

Its the 21st century, I think we can do better than 'a virgin'.

Anybody here ace and suicidal, maybe looking to spite the literal heavens? You could make a small town very happy. Especially if you're into mountaineering.

[–] ours@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Some cultures "offered" free drugs/alcohol for the sacrificed. Might find some takers.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I think I could get my hands on some stuff.

The Aztecs did not have LSD and E.

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

They had mushrooms.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 2 points 11 months ago

Yeah, and some other stuff, but dude; not the same.

I like mushrooms, but they're not the same thing.