Not The Onion

12344 readers

756 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

324

Residents Beg Michigan Mayor to Stop Solar Eclipse - He Scientifically Can't (rivergrandrapids.com)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

38 comments fedilink hide all child comments

“I've been told that I need to stop this eclipse and I do not have the authority to do that. So yes, people are really concerned. But we're just trying to prepare them.”

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] jeffw@lemmy.world 88 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (14 children)

I do not have the authority to do that.

You just didn’t pray hard enough!

Edit: on a serious note, I get why the town is panicking. Shit is gonna be crazy for them

[–] ZeroCool@slrpnk.net 33 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah it’s a funny headline but they’re gonna be overrun with tourists and it’s gonna be pretty inconvenient. Unfortunately celestial bodies don’t care. 🤷‍♂️

[–] ChicoSuave@lemmy.world 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

At the end of the article it asks "why come to Luna Pier when you can be in Toledo with get better amenities and the eclipse lasts longer?"

[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Because things are too expensive and sold out in ~~Toronto~~ Toledo.They’re not in Luna Pier.

Edit: Geography’s hard….

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

You're off by a few letters or 250+ miles there 😄

[–] ramble81@lemm.ee 2 points 7 months ago

Ha! I’d say a few letters.

[–] ours@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

Toledo: the Great White North.

[–] ours@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Everybody knows celestial bodies only listen to us if we do a proper human sacrifice. Preferably from a tall place.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

And ideally of someone who doesn't fuck.

Its the 21st century, I think we can do better than 'a virgin'.

Anybody here ace and suicidal, maybe looking to spite the literal heavens? You could make a small town very happy. Especially if you're into mountaineering.

[–] ours@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Some cultures "offered" free drugs/alcohol for the sacrificed. Might find some takers.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, I think I could get my hands on some stuff.

The Aztecs did not have LSD and E.

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

They had mushrooms.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemm.ee 2 points 7 months ago

Yeah, and some other stuff, but dude; not the same.

I like mushrooms, but they're not the same thing.

load more comments (11 replies)