this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
394 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

12344 readers
1314 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 47 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 80 points 4 months ago (1 children)

DEER DIERY

THING ARE RELLY LOOKING UP FOR ONSE

A NUMBER OF PEPLE HAVE STOPD BY TO SEE ME AND TAKE PICHRS FOR THE MEMRIES

MAYBE I WAS RONG ABOUT LIFE

MAYBE I WAS RONG ABOUT PEPLE

I THINK ILL LIVE

  • BARE
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 8 points 4 months ago

Gubmint: NO TALKING TO THIS BARE

[–] Gingerlegs@lemmy.world 78 points 4 months ago

Bear: am I a joke to you people!?

People: 📸

Bear: yep 🥺

[–] someguy3@lemmy.ca 57 points 4 months ago (4 children)

“Onlookers were trying to take selfies with the bear and he’s clearly not in the mood for pictures. The bear has shown signs of severe stress,” the post said.

It described the large male bear as “stressed, depressed, lemon zest” and urged the public not to approach a black bear at any time, “especially those that are showing aggression like this big fella”.

How are we supposed to take this seriously when they make jokes?

[–] ryven@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Because it's possible to joke about something while still treating it seriously? Acknowledging that the bear is relatable, and that that's kind of funny, isn't incompatible with urging people to respect its boundaries.

[–] kayos@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Respect my boundaries bear!

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 11 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I was really confused by that… wtf.. Lemon Zest?

[–] someguy3@lemmy.ca 13 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Urban dictionary says it's the opposite of "easy peasy lemon squeezy".

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, just confused as how it applies to a depressed bear. You were spot on.

[–] elephantium@lemmy.world 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Bears don't have spots, you're thinking of leopards.

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 1 points 4 months ago
[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Your username put that song in my head ❤️

[–] Cocodapuf@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago

Sometimes humor just makes it easier to communicate, it can be a useful tool. For example, look at Ted Lasso, his whole thing is that he's a leader who uses humor and empathy as his primary leadership tools. I know this is a fictional character, but those are real techniques, so I think this point still holds.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 3 months ago

Which of these messages would be more effective on a sign:

Gee golly gosh folksies, don't toucha tha beara! Silly gooses, bear can be dangerous!

vs

This thing will rip your fucking body to shreds on a whim. Life isn't Disney - GET THE FUCK BACK OR REGRET IT FOREVER

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 33 points 4 months ago (3 children)

On the bright side, this is a self-solving problem.

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 27 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Yeah, but when the poor boy chomps down on some dumbass with a cell phone that whole community's going to want it dead. :(

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 12 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Technically speaking it’s still a self-solving problem in that case also.

But you are correct. The human is the most dangerous animal on the planet.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 3 months ago

Harambe 2: Bear

[–] Beaver@lemmy.ca -2 points 4 months ago
[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 6 points 4 months ago

I'm patiently waiting for the "Find Out" follow up story

[–] kayos@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

Darwin works in many mysterious/logical ways.

[–] Drusas@kbin.run 18 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Last month Ron DeSantis, the state’s rightwing Republican governor, signed into law a controversial bill that allows the public to shoot and kill bears for a perceived threat to “a person, pet or dwelling”.

The legislation was drawn up by the Republican state congressman Jason Shoaf, a keen hunter according to his biography, who claimed in February that “bears high on crack” were breaking into people’s houses and “tearing them apart”.

At the time the Guardian was unable to find a single documented incident of any bear in Florida ingesting crack, and Shoaf did not return a request for clarification.

What planet do these people even live on?

[–] Zron@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago
[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

There was that documentary about that bear going on a cocaïne fueled rampage, so I suppose crack makes sense.

[–] SGG@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Guess we should change the old saying to if it's brown lay down, if it's black put it on snap?

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 1 points 3 months ago

If it's brown, emeralds or topaz. If it's black, rubies or gold.

[–] kayos@lemmy.world 8 points 4 months ago

Aww he just wants a cuddle.

[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm curious but I have to ask first: on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being fully traumatizing to watch, how bad is that video?

A friend once showed me a video of a woman being attacked by a shark and my god the screams were terrible

[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 months ago

Nobody gets hurt at all.

[–] p5yk0t1km1r4ge@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Of course it's FLORIDA.

[–] uis@lemm.ee 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The bear is lucky to not meet drunk russian

[–] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That bear’s a roadside attraction in Florida. Ain’t nothing lucky about that.

For some reason, I feel like fighting a drunk Russian might be preferred over Florida.

[–] Serinus@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Fighting? I didn't think that's fighting...

[–] EleventhHour@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

or any bear, really

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works -4 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Man, I just got used to the brits spelling it aluminium and now this?!

which was sitting beside a telegraph pole.

telegraph. tele-graph. graph.

[–] Drusas@kbin.run 2 points 4 months ago

The American version, aluminum, actually came before the British version. The British version does sound nicer, though.

https://www.thoughtco.com/aluminum-or-aluminium-3980635

[–] Guntrigger@sopuli.xyz 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

How else would you spell it?

[–] 69420@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I think they're more concerned about the continued existence of telegraph infrastructure.

[–] Guntrigger@sopuli.xyz 3 points 4 months ago

Right, thanks for that, it's quite unclear to me from their comment, even if I re-read it now. I thought it was a weird spelling we use or something.

In the UK, "telegraph pole" can refer to any overhead wire carrying pole like this (usually the wooden ones), which can be carrying electric or telephone connections. They still do to in a lot of rural areas.

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 months ago

The first time I saw an abandoned telegraph pole I thought a dust storm must have buried the landscape. Nope, they really used to run telegraph wires at eye level across the American West.

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 1 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I'm American, we spell it aluminum

[–] Drusas@kbin.run 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Canadians do, too. Though they are a type of American.

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 3 months ago

North North American

[–] sunzu@kbin.run 1 points 4 months ago
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 3 months ago

I wonder how much telegraph system could be set up before the authorities noticed. It would be fun if it was all just morse code. I mean like running wires from one house to another in a neighborhood, without it being noticed and clamped down upon.