this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 255 points 11 months ago (2 children)

They're not really lying, it's more like those medieval drawings of exotic animals the artist had clearly never seen before, based purely on rumors and secondhand descriptions.

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 140 points 11 months ago (5 children)

The man I've come closest to falling in love with was a short, chubby, hair-thinning, stuttering goofball. He kept himself clean, well-groomed, and wore nice clothes that fit him.

He was so passionate about what he loved (art, cats, and European history) that I couldn't help but be absolutely smitten. His sincerity had me smiling from ear-to-ear every time I saw him get excited. Telling me about pieces of armor, paintings, music, and all kinds of other things, taking me to different places the way he spoke so happily about the things he cared about.

People can, more often than not, see through insincerity. Be real with what you like & who you are. The people who appreciate those things about you the real ones.

[–] buttfarts@lemy.lol 40 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

No...no...no... the only way is to catfish and lie because nobody will love you ever. The most you can hope for is to momentarily fool somebody into thinking your are something other than what you are for one hot second. That's just Interwebz 101

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie....

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 34 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yes I'm sorry my bad. Fake it until you're massively insecure and hateful because you feel you can't be yourself for the sake of attracting feeeeeemale attention. Then wallow in your misery when you realize that the problem might be a deep-rooted personal issue, but be sure to blame it on "normies" & wimmin instead of taking steps towards self-improvement and personal growth. ✨️❤️💵🤡🎉🎺❤️✨️

[–] buttfarts@lemy.lol 15 points 11 months ago

Now that's a rock solid plan that you can take to the bank!

[–] blazeknave@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Looks like we found Marissa Tomei

[–] Okokimup@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I want to hook you up with my brother, who sounds very much like your dude, but not married.

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Drop me his email! Or whatever people use to communicate these days (with his consent, of course).

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'd love to know how you are going to start that conversation.

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

~~Dick pic~~

With a friendly greeting, then an inquiry about what kind of hobbies and interests he has, probably.

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I mean, will this lemmy thread be mentioned? If not, on what date will the origin story be revealed?

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 3 points 11 months ago

We'll livestream our wedding on Lemmy & I'll reveal it there.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 37 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Turns out, he was already married.

Lovely man, but he had some issues to work out. Wished him the best and forced myself to move on.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Oof.

Hope you found someone else. You deserve to be happy

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 7 points 11 months ago

Thanks! Maybe one day. Much appreciated!

[–] Bread@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

[–] SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You are worthy of love, my dear.

[–] Bread@sh.itjust.works 3 points 11 months ago

I'm not crying, you're crying! :')

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 100 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Thing is: you were a normie all along.

[–] schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.de 42 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Someone much smarter than me once wrote that everyone thinks of their outgroup as "normies": Catholics think of non-Catholics as "normies", and "goyim" is just the Hebrew word for "normies".

[–] Luccus@feddit.org 20 points 11 months ago

I just want to say: everyone in my outgroup sucks.

They don't like it when you pat them on the head or rub their belly. Like; they'll tell you their dog died, their fiancé left them, and they have to fight for custody of the kids - and they expect you to use words to comfort them?! Words. Absolute insanity, I tell you! In-sa-ni-ty!

[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Which is why I ironically use "muggles" with my tech-literate friends when talking about people with normal levels of tech literacy

[–] NOT_RICK@lemmy.world 74 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I recognize this. What is it from?

[–] NOT_RICK@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I think it was in /b/‘s header if I’m not mistaken

[–] match@pawb.social 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A traditional part of /b/ rules alongside "zomg none!!1"

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

In fact, b has several rules

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

Ah, makes senss

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 57 points 11 months ago (1 children)

It's almost like being an actual human being and putting in minimum effort makes you interesting at a base level compared to just jerking off on your keyboard and dwelling in the past.

[–] NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 38 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Minimum effort? Why are the standards so high?

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

Well, if they are lower, they'll just end up jizz stained and crumpled up under the bed.

[–] NuWuX@sh.itjust.works 40 points 11 months ago (1 children)

They're just trying to get you to lower your guard so they can trick you and make fun of you; don't fall for it Anon!

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 4 points 11 months ago

Every fucking time I think its going well...

[–] Icalasari@fedia.io 39 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Anon forgot to act like the average /b/tard. That tends to get normies to flee in terror

[–] RedditWanderer@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Yeah that's always a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy

[–] JimSamtanko@lemm.ee 15 points 11 months ago

Wasn’t there one of these recently about getting a job?

Exact same outcome.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 8 points 11 months ago
[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Turn it off!