this post was submitted on 30 Dec 2023
302 points (98.1% liked)

Not The Onion

12344 readers
409 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
all 26 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] jordanlund@lemmy.world 78 points 10 months ago (5 children)

"cow that was tossed 30m up in the air"

How hard do you have to hit a cow to knock it 30m into the air?

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 105 points 10 months ago (4 children)

With a high rate of mooovement.

[–] doublejay1999@lemmy.world 49 points 10 months ago (1 children)

He had no chance. It’s was coming the udder way.

[–] RinseDrizzle@midwest.social 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Think we milked this for all its worth

[–] EvilEyedPanda@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Naw I still got some beef with this story

[–] CosmicCleric@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Maybe we should steer this conversation away from the puns and back on track.

Edit: Extra pun

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 15 points 10 months ago

and a lot of moooomentum

[–] elephantium@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

Fetchez la vache!

[–] SquiffSquiff@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago
[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago

First assume a spherical cow in a frictionless vacuum...

[–] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 13 points 10 months ago

Trains have a fuck ton of momentum, and this was an express train. It likely also had a cattle guard on the front which could explain the air it got.

[–] souperk@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

It's like it was hit by a train!

[–] emergencyfood@sh.itjust.works 5 points 10 months ago

The average train in India is 24 coaches long, plus a loco and a guard van. Let's say the loco is 100 tonnes and the coaches and van are 20 tonnes each. That's 600 tonnes moving at around 100 km/hr. I can totally believe the cow flying that high.

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 41 points 10 months ago

The Onion would never - could never - publish this.

[–] souperk@lemmy.world 32 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Florida Man: Challenge accepted! It's going to be legendary!!!

[–] cone_zombie@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Florida Man should really become Marvel's next superhero

[–] SuckMyWang@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago

Sounds like a normal day in India

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Tldr: the cow was launched by a train and flew 30 meters.

Hoe the cow gained more impetus than the train itself isn't explained.

Seeing a cow is a holy animal in India I'm wondering about the karmic balance of this situation...

[–] kaboom36@ani.social 6 points 10 months ago

Beginning to wonder if those Bollywood physics were accurate after all...

[–] treadful@lemmy.zip 14 points 10 months ago

Kind of expected "the police who were also relieving themselves..."

[–] Elephant0991@lemmy.bleh.au 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Abird1620@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ur really milking those puns!

[–] ADTJ@feddit.uk 3 points 10 months ago

How dairy make such a bad pun?

[–] reflex@kbin.social 6 points 10 months ago

An udder shame.