this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 7 points 2 hours ago (3 children)

OK, I put a lot of thought into this, and here's what I've concluded.

When the girls came up to anon and suggested the bet, he should have said: "Sorry, ladies, I can't take that bet. See, whenever I do something, I give it 100%. So when I'm on the court, I'm being true and faithful to the sport of basketball. And the one thing I can't do..." (he locks eyes with the girl he likes) "...the ONE thing I can't do is be unfaithful." (he gives his best boyish grin, then goes and makes the dunk.)

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 4 points 1 hour ago

You forgot the "tips fedora" part.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 4 points 1 hour ago

It's equally as likely as the original greentext story

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 5 points 4 hours ago

He should have refused to elaborate.

[–] AdamBomb@lemmy.sdf.org 20 points 5 hours ago

This is the kind of clueless shit I would’ve done back in college. I can’t dunk, but I was just as good as anon at being completely oblivious.

[–] nehal3m@sh.itjust.works 34 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Why would those girls set him up to fail? Flip the bet; date if you score.

[–] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 51 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago) (1 children)

Because she actually wants to go on the date and it's easier to miss on purpose than guarantee for sure getting it? Idk, it's awkward af but kids are awkward and there's all kinds of dumb gender stuff tied up in girls asking boys out directly so it's forgivable imo. Also, giving him an opportunity to be jokey and fun, "oh noooo, how could I have missed wink", show that he doesn't take himself too seriously and can play around. Which he failed lmao. (Yes yes I know it's fake)

[–] green_copper@kbin.earth 3 points 6 hours ago

I agree with you. Still in this hypothetical situation a part of me would have troubles holding back asking the girl whats wrong with her friend when she uses her as a kind of punishment.

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Fake: Anon is attracted to girls and any girl is attracted to Annon

Gay: Anon is very gay

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 4 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

Circular reasoning fallacy

[–] answersplease77@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago

circular nut sucking is gay thus anon is gay

[–] BenFranklinsDick@lemmy.world 68 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Real and straight.

Anon didn't have sex.

[–] babybus@sh.itjust.works 19 points 9 hours ago

Straight? Anon didn't miss because he didn't want to have sex with a woman.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 95 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

fake: anon is athletic. gay: doesn't go out on a date with a girl

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 53 points 11 hours ago

Well, obviously gay. He preferred impressing the boys over the girls.

[–] oce@jlai.lu 28 points 11 hours ago

Anon is strong and independent, he doesn't need to appear clumsy to attract sympathy.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 20 points 11 hours ago

:::spoiler spoiler Your partner should be happy to see you succeed. Subjecting yourself to failure in order to please someone, particularly a trifling-ass rando, is denial and devaluation of the self. Tell her to miss a dunk and see how she handles it. Worst case scenario, she dunks so hard that you end up pregnant. Is it worth the gamble? Not for me to answer, that’s between you and god.

[–] TheKMAP@lemmynsfw.com 11 points 10 hours ago

Anon avoids double embarrassment of missing a dunk and having the girls go "SIKE"

[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 13 points 14 hours ago
[–] tryagain@lemmy.ml 3 points 12 hours ago

This one made me wince