this post was submitted on 12 Dec 2024

250 points (93.1% liked)

Not The Onion

12525 readers

788 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

250

DELETED (www.foxbusiness.com)

submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by ptz@dubvee.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

56 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Edit: Fuck some of these comments Y'all sick in the head. I'm out.

top 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 120 points 5 days ago (3 children)

This does come off a lot like "Let's all ask God to do the important and urgent things I chose not to do."

As Dale Carnegie says, prayer is what we try after we've exhausted every practical option. If God exists, they clearly want us to do our best with available options before begging them to solve our problems.

(Side note: if God exists, they have a lot to answer for, and there's non-trivial evidence that they might be a raging asshole. Maybe a stupid choice of ally in the tough times ahead.)

CEOs have a lot of practical options. I don't know if Pat exhausted those options, but it's hard to give any CEO the benefit of the doubt after the last decade of pervasive "line must go up regardless of the obvious short, medium and long term consequences for absolutely everyone concerned."

So pardon me if I'm not impressed with trying to pray away those consequences.

[–] zephorah@lemm.ee 45 points 5 days ago (1 children)

That is a primary intention of the three Abrahamic religions, hence all the old societal law embedded in the texts. Hence why so many prefer cherry picking the laws, even the “believers” know they’re outdated.

They’re intended as a means to rule people but in much much smaller numbers. The population base is far too unwieldy for any of it, and has been for a while.

I’m digressing.

The idea of prayer is embedded in that form of rule. Don’t ask the leadership, ask god. It’s not my fault god didn’t answer your prayers, that’s on you for not having enough faith. Here, let me help you with that by advising you to tighten up your obedience to the societal laws we put in the text, then you can try praying again. Maybe, if you’re good enough, maybe then your prayer will be answered. Just don’t ask me, the leadership, to try to solve it.

It’s a great way to get people to put their heads down and obey the (religious) government. Again though, intended for smaller population at inception.

[–] SquiffSquiff@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

There are rather more than three Abrahamic religions, there's also:

Baha'i (Corrected)
Rastafari
Momormonism

Amongst others

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

While there are certainly some bonkers deviations at the level of theology (Mormonism theology tends to be childishly literal where it departs from Nicene Christianity, as it is at its heart an anti-intellectual and inherently out-group long-con), and of course there are the extra sacred texts and culty tendencies, Mormons view themselves as firmly within the Christian tradition, and they are culturally more in line than not with Christians than other Abrahamic adherents. I think it's stretching to count them as an entirely different religion.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Muslims also view themselves within christianity, as true followers of a christ which they believe to not be God. They believe that Mohammed restored the true religion, similarly to how Mormons see Joseph Smith as restoring the true religion. The main difference is that Mormons are starting to now use the Christian label- which would be the same if a Christian started claiming to be Muslim (one who submits) or a Protestant using the label "Catholic" (Universal)(Which most mainline Protestants actually do). Doesn't mean they're the same religion as a Mohammed-following-Muslim or the same denomination as Roman Catholicism

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I think it’s fairer to describe Mormons as nontrinitarian Christians, sort of a “neo-Arian heresy”. They specifically believe Christ to be part of a uniquely divine trinity with God the Father and the Holy Ghost, and that Christ died to redeem humanity and was resurrected (at which point he floated home for the weekend then stopped in on all the Jewish folks living in the Americas, of course).

They also believe he was created as a “first among equals” son of God and, once you tug on a couple of uniquely Mormon threads, that God the Father probably had actual relations with Mary to conceive Jesus’s body, which after resurrection was “perfected” and divine, just like his dad’s.

So anyway, Jesus holds a centrality to Mormon religion in a way he simply doesn’t for Islam, even with the large number of roles Muslims believe Jesus played and will play in the future. While his nature is different for Mormons, his role in their faith is much more analogous to “vanilla” Nicene Christianity. He is part of a tripartite Godhead and is their Savior, and faith in that is necessary for an individual’s salvation.

Thomas Aquinas would roll his eyes at the unexplored repercussions of it all, but Mormons have thirteen “articles of faith” that we were supposed to learn as kids. A lot of the nonsense follows from a half-educated conman in WAY over his head trying to keep it all going and expand his own authority (including the authority to sleep with whomever he wanted) but specifically NOT to move beyond something his adherents would identify as Christian.

Even if he failed at that, and you can argue he did, I would argue that the specifics of the theological niceties only tell part of the story, and the Mormon movement has to be viewed in its cultural context, and Mormons have always self-identified as Christians in a way that was not merely semantic.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

LDS Mormons aren't Arian, they are tritheist.

Mormonism as well contains additional overriding scripture, like how Islam has the Qur'an in comparison with Christianity or how Christianity has the New Testament in comparison with old Judaism. Which seems make them separate religions, as all of these extra scriptures make the faiths significantly different from each other.

All of these religions have God as the centrepoint (although LDS Mormonism could be less so due to it being polytheist)

Yes, Mormonism puts a focus on a character called Jesus who's somewhat based on Jesus of Nazareth which Islam also does, but there's also a sect of Hinduism which does the same. Is this Christianity, too?

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Okay, I think at some point we're talking past each other more than to each other. You are clearly much more invested than I am in the relative truth claims, categorization, and internal consistency of various bronze-age mythologies and their propagandized descendants.

You're drawing bright lines in places that I don't find particularly interesting as a non-believer more interested in secular history than apologetic theology. Still, I suspect the bright lines are very important in that context. If you would like to claim this one as a win, please feel free. Have a lovely weekend!

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 2 points 4 days ago

Fair, one does not "win" an argument on the internet 🤣

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

actual relations with Mary

you can say rape on lemmy

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Baha'i* the guy's title is Baha'u'llah

[–] SquiffSquiff@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Thanks and apologies I've edited this in my post

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

No worries, most people haven't even heard of it before :)

[–] TammyTobacco@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Using they/them when referring to the Christian god. Perfect.

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 6 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Yep. I figure God can put their pronouns in a quick update (no doubt written in flames on a wall somewhere - basic courtesy, nowadays), or is probably content with the neutral terms.

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] szczuroarturo@programming.dev 6 points 5 days ago

He actually had what seemed like a pretty good long term plan. Buuut probably beacuse the line did not go up in the short to medium term he was ousted. I think ( Im not really sure why they fired him ).

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 38 points 5 days ago (8 children)

If he said, "Every Thursday I do a 24-hour voodoo dance and shake my magic rattle," he would be called a loon.

load more comments (8 replies)

[–] AshMan85@lemmy.world 57 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Eat the rich.

[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 days ago

The French invented a tool which checks if they’re made of cake or not

[–] Darkard@lemmy.world 56 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"If we pray hard enough then God will swoop down from heaven and raise your salary"

[–] ptz@dubvee.org 22 points 5 days ago (1 children)

And if you're too hard-hit as an employee, you can always fast to save money.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 23 points 5 days ago

I hope someone makes a Tiktok account where they post videos of terrified CEOs sprinting to their cars followed by bored looking security detail.

[–] wjrii@lemmy.world 31 points 5 days ago (2 children)

In 2013, Gelsinger co-founded Transforming the Bay with Christ (TBC), a coalition of business leaders, venture capitalists, non-profit leaders and pastors that aims to convert one million people over the next decade. He helped establish the Sacramento-area Christian institution William Jessup University from which he also received an honorary doctorate.

Sweet zombie jesus... 🙄

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 4 points 5 days ago

Infiltrate.

Subvert.

Corrupt.

Destroy.

Do to their instituions what they did to others.

[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 days ago

moore is rolling in his grave.

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 26 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

I don’t even know what I’d do as CEO.

Pat’s direction was spot on. Cut “side” divisions to focus on their core, stick with long term bets most CEOs wouldn’t (like the GPU division) and try to cut the delays.

…But the delays keep coming!

If they just can’t launch products on time with whatever rot is in the company, I’m not sure what Intel is supposed to do.

…So whoever they hire as CEO now is probably there to just distribute golden parachutes and eat the company as it dies :/

[–] Wrench@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Maybe being transparent about their manufacturing defects would have been a good start.

Ohh, all of our users are getting frequent BSODs? SMOKE BOMB!

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 4 points 5 days ago

Ohh, all of our users are getting frequent BSODs? SMOKE BOMB!

I read that in Krieger's voice

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

…So whoever they hire as CEO now is probably there to just distribute golden parachutes and eat the company as it dies :/

This is assuming there isn't some gold in the pipeline. Timeline on a new CPU design is about 8 years from first drawings to actual silicon hitting media test benches, meaning whatever was started in 2019 and 2020 could be absolutely killer and just cooking to perfection in the R&D oven...assuming R&D was kept sufficiently funded and the engineering talent retained to see such a process through

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Their CPUs are mostly fine now. The “small” cores are very competitive in servers because they are so small for their perf, and TBH that desktop drama was marketing clocking the CPUs way too high to squeak out 4% more benchmark performance.

It’s… everything else that’s the problem, as work is increasingly shifting away from CPUs. They are totally screwed if they cut funding for Arc, in particular, or if they don’t secure any real fab customers.

[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Oh yeah real talk they've got some killer datacenter chips, be that networking, CPU or GPU. They're continuing to work on bleeding edge technologies for hyperscalers, and they've got no shortage of insane potential. But when they release two generations of desktop processors with hardware bugs it really puts a heck of a stain on such a stellar portfolio and makes it a lot easier for enterprises to look at AMD for their datacenter and client processors (especially when they're absolutely killing it like they have been in both segments!)

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Eh Intel’s data center GPUs suck. Gaudi was okay, but gained no critical mass and is being phased out, Xe-HPC is being phased out and was hardly used anywhere, even Falcon Shores keeps getting delayed and looks to be in trouble going by statements about focusing on “consumer inference.” They seem dead in the water here, which is very worrying.

The MI300X is actually good, but AMD totally blew it by ignoring a few glaring software issues and not seeding development with consumer GPUs, hence it’s not gaining much traction. The MI300A (the big APU) basically isn’t available or cost effective in any cloud instances.

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 17 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I don't know how to not be insulted by this and I really worry about anyone person who read that and agreed with him.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] solomon42069@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago

Who let Nigel Farage out of his cage?

[–] watson387@sopuli.xyz 8 points 5 days ago

Fuck you Mr Gelsinger

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

I'll pray but only if they accept my prayers that the leadership that forces me to pray will get tongue cancer and survive, just without their silver tongues.

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 6 points 5 days ago

Corporate wellness has a new look for the Trump era

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

Something tells me his name has been added to some vigilante list with the current CEO climate.

How tone deaf can you be?

load more comments