this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 74 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Oh, that explains why they don't drive cars

[–] dwemthy@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

We must figure out what other human laws chimpanzees respect

[–] MrSulu@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 month ago

Unlike humans, they have the sense not to get behind the wheel whilst inoxicated. Quite a remarkable attribute.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Goddamn they live better than us in every way

[–] PanGodofPanic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Chimps, not so much. Their society is exceedingly violent and hierarchical. Bonobos (equally close human relative in the other side of the Congo River) on the other hand, they have shit figured out.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Arguably my comment is funnier if you know anything about great apes

[–] BzzBiotch@lemmy.world 28 points 1 month ago

Me too, chimpsan. Me too

[–] Blackfeathr@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

I mean, can you blame them?

Another point on the 'return to monke' scale.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 11 points 1 month ago

Hell yeah, let's party.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I know we evolved to handle ethanol, but thought it was a recent thing, since the invention of beer. Weird.

Yes, I understand we didn't evolve from chimps.

[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I think the ability to metabolize ethanol with alcohol dehydrogenase is a separate, more recent thing. But a lot of the tree of life gets buzzed in various ways! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recreational_drug_use_in_animals

[–] Hector@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Ratatoskr the squirrel on the tree of life drank the mead of wisdom.

[–] Adori@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If these primates have the same ability to drink as humans do, then they must have the same ability to drive a we do.

Yeah, drive each other bananas!

I'll see myself out...

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

Going to a chimp-only AA meeting really hits different.

[–] ScrollerBall@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)
[–] Una@piefed.europe.pub 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Based :3 good uncle

[–] Solumbran@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The difference being that they don't know it's a poison.

[–] Geth@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 month ago

I think a bunch of chimps downvoted you.

[–] Hector@lemmy.world -5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Alcohol is not poison. Methanol is.

[–] dickalan@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Bro ethanol alcohol is absolutely a poison. It’s just not a very good one

[–] Hector@lemmy.world -4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

More puritanical propaganda.

[–] dickalan@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Kick rocks back to Russia ya alcoholic. How’s that for propaganda for your ass? You fucking weirdo

[–] Hector@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] dickalan@lemmy.world 0 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Bro, why are you still fucking here? Get bent. Your baby face icon is a dead giveaway

[–] Hector@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I have no idea what you're talking about.