this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 86 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

This would be way funnier if the age was revealed at the end.

be me
balls deep in milf
guy catches me
drags me out of bed by my foot
cuts my dick with a knife
couldn't walk for 2 years
0 yo

[–] z500@startrek.website 33 points 1 year ago

My eyes skipped right over the 0 yo part, and it was quite droll

[–] CluckN@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

Couldn’t walk for 2 years is a good enough hint that it’s a newborn.

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 77 points 1 year ago (4 children)

You just call your own mom a milf...?

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 68 points 1 year ago

Hell yeah, my mom’s a milf. A matriarchal introducer of love and fun.

[–] De_Narm@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Just for good meassure I've searched the term and it seems like people kind of forgot it's an acronym. Most definitions just say 'attractive older woman'.

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Which is what I thought cougar described. Kids these days!

Edit: this has created a short comment chain that I adore..

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No, a cougar is specifically on the prowl for fresh, young meat.

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] baldingpudenda@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Ironfist@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

well, yes! Hurry up! Get your cougar!

[–] nieceandtows@programming.dev 19 points 1 year ago

I thought cougar was for women actively hunting for prey.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Even older part isn't relevant anymore. A 22 year old with a toddler is called milf.

THAT'S NOT WHAT IT MEANS.

[–] shasta@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] TheBat@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Nope.

MILF is someone who is considered attractive by peers of her children. Think Stacey's mom. So the theoretical milf can't be younger than 30.

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You're right. American Pie corroborates your findings.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Of course it does. That was when the word still hadn't lost its meaning.

[–] ObstreperousCanadian@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 year ago

His name is Oedipus.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 7 points 1 year ago

Freud thought so

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 31 points 1 year ago

I bet you also cried. What a cuck

[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Didn’t learn to walk until age 2?

What, you think he came outta the pussy drawing Mozart? At age 6, he was born without a mouth.

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 22 points 1 year ago (4 children)

cuts my dick with a knife

...what?

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 71 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Male genital mutilation, or Circumcision in American English

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 6 points 1 year ago

Ah, got it. Thanks.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 24 points 1 year ago

In America and other Muslim countries, they mutilate the genitals of baby boys upon being born

[–] PatFussy@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

First step of being a real man is getting your dick cut clean off. Everybody knows that

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A real man would never have had the dick to begin with.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 1 year ago

your body is touching a dick 24/7. super gay

[–] Lux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 year ago

Circumcision

[–] radix@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago

what is this google ass font

[–] dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 year ago

Calls his own mom a milf. Most sane 4channer.

[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

That is NOT a proper Haiku. 5-7-5, dude!

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Is the MHLF....his own?