this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2025
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Not The Onion

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In retrospect, I should apologize for posting such a shitty article from such a shitty source. I did it for the laughs.

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[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 55 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Truck carrying aggressive monkeys infected with hepatitis, herpes, and COVID crashes

A long as no one fucks the herpes monkey we should be fine.

in Mississippi

Shit.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

That are three fresh epidemics for the price of one.

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 122 points 2 days ago (4 children)

So, reading the short article, only one infected monkey escaped, per the sheriff's office. Then the University they are from clarified that their infected monkeys are not contagious, and there were no infected monkeys on that truck.

The monkeys are for primate virology research.

Nice reminder of just how hard spun headlines are.

[–] ApeNo1@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

To be fair to the original poster this news article has been revised multiple times since original publication. When it was first posted the article contents very much matched the headline but subsequent changes were made that included things like the clarifications from the university.

[–] A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 16 points 2 days ago

Oh most definitely. But I won't let that get in the way of having a good laugh.

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[–] BluCypher@piefed.social 147 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I feel like I should check on the story in about 28 days…

[–] toiletobserver@lemmy.world 36 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] raman_klogius@ani.social 1 points 1 day ago

Don't bother checking after 28 months though.

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago

Witnesses of the crash:

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Are there 12 of them? Asking for a friend.

[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Great flick. I think Brad was awesome.

[–] Quexotic@infosec.pub 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I think he was so convincing that maybe he's a bit unhinged IRL.

Between that and fight club...

I agree though. Thoroughly fun to watch!

[–] xoggy@programming.dev 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

They changed the article title but the URL still holds the goods.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 5 points 1 day ago

You'll see this is the case everywhere if you keep an eye out. Fake news, and quiet editing after it circulates. Often on purpose. Like Dezi, the guy that shot cops raiding his house in Australia and went into hiding in the bush. All media outlets pushed stories that he sexually abused children, before removing all references to child sex abuse in later days after everyone had read the story. Likely to further remove any public support for the guy.

[–] konalt@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (4 children)
[–] brax@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

451 is a great error code. It's a reference to Fahrenheit 451, and is used to indicate government censorship. In this case it's being used all wrong, and almost ironic in nature.

418 is a fun one too. "I'm a teapot"

[–] Two9A@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

418 is always a little disappointing though. Lots of projects out there touting their "full HTCPCP compatibility" when all they do is serve 418 to every request; no actual coffeepots I could find last time I looked.

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[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

That's probably for the best. Nobody should be subjected to fox news, or contribute to their ad revenue.

[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

It's still the net, but it's not very inter these days

[–] ApeNo1@lemmy.world 79 points 2 days ago (1 children)

RFK Jr will be very worried that his newly recruited team for the health and human services department had an accident whilst travelling to their new government offices.

[–] smeenz@lemmy.nz 6 points 1 day ago

Those monkeys are significantly more qualified than any of his current picks.

[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 11 points 1 day ago
[–] aarch0x40@lemmy.world 62 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] bobs_monkey@lemmy.zip 33 points 2 days ago (2 children)

To give Hollywood some fresh material

[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It ain't even fresh this is straight up the plot of 28 days later!

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[–] aarch0x40@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

This seems adjacent to the plot of Outbreak though

[–] trolololol@lemmy.world 28 points 2 days ago

Now tell me there was 12 monkeys in there

[–] captainastronaut@seattlelunarsociety.org 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Assuming each monkey only has one of those infections each they are probably lowering the population average for Mississippi.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 day ago

And raising collective IQ

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[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I actually had this one on my 2025 bingo card.

[–] protogen420@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago

Two dead presidents... Didn't say which countries tho.

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 2 days ago (1 children)

My monkey shipment!?!? There goes my weekend plans.

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 2 days ago

Listen, sometimes you need one hundred trillion dollars

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

At this point I'm just like, yeah, that may just as well happen.

Honestly, I'd be pretty aggressive too if I had hepatitis, herpes, and COVID and was just involved in a crash.

[–] shyguyblue@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Right Wing conspiracy in 3... 2...

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago

The crazy part is they were headed to Florida...

Which means despite all the existing infections, they were likely meant as a control group /s

[–] bytesonbike@discuss.online 18 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Dang DEI anti-woke monkeys carrying a fake china disease made in a laboratory

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 17 points 2 days ago

Thanks OBiden

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[–] rozodru@pie.andmc.ca 20 points 2 days ago

yeah with the way things have been going this tracks.

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] RaoulDook@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

First rule of 12 monkeys club is that you do not talk about 12 monkeys club

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Were they jumping on the bed?

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[–] AcidiclyBasicGlitch@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

You beat me to it...

Dear God... Just why!?!

A friend of mine sent me the first screenshot and I thought the Facebook account had just been hacked.

[–] glimse@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The story has been updated with information from people who know what they're talking about (as opposed to the idiot sheriff who made that claim)

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[–] EndlessApollo@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

When air force 1 goes down:

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