this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2026

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Dev creates astrology-powered CPU scheduler for Linux, makes decisions based on planetary positions and zodiac signs — sched_ext framework informed by lunar phases, cosmic weather reports, and dynamic (www.tomshardware.com)

submitted 9 hours ago by Infrapink@thebrainbin.org to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

17 comments fedilink hide all child comments

‘Why let mere mortals decide CPU priorities when the cosmos can guide us?’ asks the developer.

To be clear, the point of this is to demonstrate the power and flexibility of a new Linux feature in a "haha only serious" way.

Zampieri is clear that this GPL-2.0 licensed project is a “scientifically dubious, cosmically hilarious” work. It definitely isn’t recommended for use in production systems - not because of bugs, but because it works as intended… The dev is still looking to add “more cosmic chaos” to scx_horoscope, so contributors are welcome.

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[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 minutes ago

So more stable than windows 11? What happens to the cpu when the moon is full and you click on the start menu?

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 hour ago

Oh dear god.

So they've functionally formalized a specific variant of astrology.

... At least it would be consistent in how it is ridiculous, unlike 99.99% of current day astrologers.

[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 9 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

The feature list is where the most fun is had

https://github.com/zampierilucas/scx_horoscope?tab=readme-ov-file#features

Retrograde Detection
Lunar Phase Scheduling 😂 etc...

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

This is how hippie chicks start using linux

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 7 points 3 hours ago

And I'm all for it

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 49 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Great, now my PC can be temperamental because mercury is in retrograde.

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 35 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

This is exactly why I switched to LibraOffice.

[–] BoiLudens@lemmy.world 52 points 8 hours ago

Finally, my handbrake renders will complete when the stars literally align

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 17 points 7 hours ago

This is art

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 hours ago

OP, you should cross post this to /c/programmer_humor@lemmy.dev, because this is hilarious

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 26 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

We shouldn't stop with the kernel but also apply this to our workflows.

PM sends you an invitation to a meeting? Venus says no.

I want cosmic chaos in my work day.

[–] hansolo@lemmy.today 9 points 8 hours ago

Chaos nothing. Can you imagine a week with zero meetings because your seventh house of Saturn or whatever says it's a bad week for collaboration? Amd this isn't random movements. You can plan around this for years.

If anything this might actually be a way to introduce seemingly random prohibitions or days in which you only do certain things. Honestly, that doesn't sound terrible.

[–] NaoPb@eviltoast.org 23 points 9 hours ago

This gives me a sort of Temple OS vibe. I have a feeling this developer will soon develop his own operating system based on Zodiac signs.

[–] AntiBullyRanger@ani.social 2 points 5 hours ago

🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️Zampieri. I haven't had the free time and finances to do this. Now can shorten my banterposting.

[–] rem26_art@fedia.io 11 points 8 hours ago

Boss: "Have you finished that new feature yet? The deadline's coming up and the client is getting concerned" Lowly Mortal Programmer: "Sry, you're gonna have to tell the client that Mercury is in retrograde at least until this time next Earth-year"

[–] peopleproblems@lemmy.world 3 points 7 hours ago

I'm a Capricorn so... You know.

[–] inclementimmigrant@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

Man, better hope that realtime linux developers don't have a prankster nature.