Have to wonder what 'acting like a jerk' even means in this context.
this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2026
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People don't explain what they mean by "You're too nice". They mean "be more assertive". That means stand up for yourself and others. Not "be an asshole". The attention you would get from being an asshole isn't what you think it is.
I actually think that isn't even the case most of the time. I think usually "you are too nice" actually just means "I like you and the way you act, I am just not attracted to you".
The problem with just being honest about the lack of attraction, is that many people will take it to mean something is wrong with them, or even that attraction still might be possible if they just try harder. It's hard to accept that some people just won't be attracted to you, even if you do everything right. It isn't a "game" you can always win.
Yeah, like if you're going 45 on the highway, go faster. But not 120.
Unless you're in Germany Ü
i've also been told this. i would much rather be nice and single than in a relationship hinging on me not being nice.
also fake and gay
Ironically, I think the ability to be content single is a fairly attractive trait.
Typing into the void, yay!
If the story here is told in earnest, I can think of two possible solutions.
First, perhaps the "being a jerk" thing might be conflated with some other change, such as simply being more assertive or socially confident in general. See if you can be confident and assertive without the "jerk". Think aggressively supportive or unflinchingly complimentary ("Hey, you're looking really nice, and I hope you have a nice day!" Or "I noticed you've been working on X really hard, and the progress is showing!").
Second, use your newfound social connections to your advantage! Talk with the girls about how you've been feeling, and then ask them if they would be able to introduce you to one of their friends that might enjoy the version of you that feels like you.
Both of these paths will take courage! It's tough to be vulnerable when you're already accustomed to social disappointment. But if you can get this far, go a little further and you just might find some real and profound happiness for yourself.
Live life for yourself, not others. This will attract like people