this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2026
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I actually think that isn't even the case most of the time. I think usually "you are too nice" actually just means "I like you and the way you act, I am just not attracted to you".
The problem with just being honest about the lack of attraction, is that many people will take it to mean something is wrong with them, or even that attraction still might be possible if they just try harder. It's hard to accept that some people just won't be attracted to you, even if you do everything right. It isn't a "game" you can always win.
Some men can get super aggressive over even the mildest rejection, especially the Nice Guys^tm^, so it's not surprising that women would develop a way to reject them with it sounding like a complement.
There's also the "your niceness feels transactional and directed". Like, yeah you're overly nice to people you're attracted to, but not really to anyone else. You aren't being a broad spectrum emitter of kindness. Being that person who's cool to everyone is often very attractive, but you gotta get the chip off your shoulder and accept that not everyone is going to be attracted to you, and just generally learn the social skills to have everyone feel happy you're there.