this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
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Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth jokingly said any surge in takeout deliveries to the Pentagon — a phenomenon that has accurately predicted the start of major geopolitical events — could be him ordering pizza “just to throw everybody off.”

Asked about the “Pentagon Pizza Report,” an account on X that tracks activity at local pizza joints near the U.S. military hub, Hegseth said he was aware of the account.

“I’ve thought of just ordering lots of pizza on random nights just to throw everybody off,” he said Sunday on Fox News. “Some Friday night when you see a bunch of Dominos orders, it might just be me on an app, throwing the whole system off so we keep everybody off balance. We look at every indicator.”

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[–] tomiant@piefed.social 40 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

All I hear is that the pizza index works, he is too fucking dumb to do anything about it, and is clearly rattled about it. If he was serious he would have kept his mouth shut, which he can't, and it's all bullshit.

[–] Aatube@thriv.social 1 points 16 minutes ago

call me optimistic but i think he's just having a laugh

[–] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 86 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Someone tell him about th gay bar index so he starts going there randomly too

[–] Soulphite@reddthat.com 32 points 7 hours ago

it's not gay if you don't look into each other's eyes...

Pete Kegsbreath

[–] thesohoriots@lemmy.world 12 points 5 hours ago

You know he doesn’t tip, so they’re not delivering twice.

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 19 points 6 hours ago

“No raises this year, gentlemen. And ladies. But hey, PIZZA PARTY!!”

[–] MrMcGasion@lemmy.world 31 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

"Thought about" and "might just" are two phrases middle aged white guys use when we want to talk big and then never follow through. I'd be shocked if he puts in one "fake" order, and highly doubt he'll be able to be consistent enough to throw off the tracker.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 4 points 5 hours ago

Right. He's too fucking dumb to pull off even random pizza orders. In any case, everyone knows that to really throw people off the scent you tell them about your plans, right? What a fucking muppet.

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 28 points 7 hours ago

That's why he invited that reporter to his illegal Signal chat, just to throw everyone off

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 28 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

We look at every indicator.

After it's become widespread international news meaning our allies and enemies have known for at least a decade...

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

at least a decade…

You're not wrong, but even this article mentions a news article from 1991… heh

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

The 90s needed actual spooks casing out pizza places... That was a real thing, Russians casing take out joints in DC, even before pizza was a big deal.

But it was easier just to keep an eye on the parking lots and how many lights stayed on overnight.

For at least the last decade, there have been electronic means of surveillance allowing every country who gives a shit to monitor 24/7. Which sounds stupid, but that monitoring is essentially free and just one of 100s if not thousands of individual flags.

Pizza flag may go off a lot, but if x, y, and z are all also happening...

Then everyone knows something is gonna happen.

[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 19 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Okay, fuck, he got me, that's really funny. Good job. Now please submit to The Hague, confess everything, and spend the rest of your life in prison.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 6 points 5 hours ago

A decade ago I was like, "FOX hosts are vile, disgusting, fucking goblins, but at least they're not in government".

I refuse to accept this is the reality I exist in.

[–] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 16 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

And what is he going to do with all of those "diversion" pizzas?

Seems like that could be a good way to feed the hungry in DC: order a large and semirandom number of pizzas to the Pentagon every night, then distribute them to homeless shelters; on nights when you're planning or executing ops, just add to the order enough for your operation and pull them off of the pile before you redirect the rest to the shelters.

But the party of "lol your poor git gud" wouldn't dream of such a thing. More likely they'll toss them in the dumpster.

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 5 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Americans shouldn't starve in such a wealthy nation, but there's just not enough money here. Do not. Touch. The ~~defense~~ war budget. Such a shame, homeless veterans and all that

[–] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 2 points 4 hours ago

Loved the joke, and it gives me an idea that might actually make this work: rather than sending it to a random homeless shelter every day, send it to a veteran's shelter.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 1 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (2 children)

That would do nothing to block the alleged information leak. You'd simply count the number of pizzas reaching homeless shelters instead, and if there's a lower than normal amount, you know we're gonna invade Iran. I mean, know it even harder.

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

It's not to track via homeless shelters, the joke is that he's willing to waste food as Americans face food concerns.

[–] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago)

If you pull some random amount off the stack every day and store it to pass along on the next day, and build up a rolling reserve before pulling from that reserve for invasion day, you could hide that tell pretty effectively.

[–] daannii@lemmy.world 6 points 5 hours ago

Aren't all the pedos using "pizza" as covert code for child pornography ?

[–] crunchy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Pretty sure he said this exact thing last year when the Pizza Index was correct. Is this a cute little gem he just has on standby?

[–] daychilde@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Yes, except it's not cute, nor really a game. Just stupidity. But otherwise, you're right :)

[–] paraphrand@lemmy.world 4 points 6 hours ago

He thought of ordering lots of pizza? What a genius mastermind.

[–] lemmie689@lemmy.sdf.org 3 points 7 hours ago

Hello? Is this Dominos?