I too have figured out teleportation. All it takes is for me to consume a bottle of tequila, and I wake up some time later in a dumpster outside of a Wal Mart. Two things I have yet to figure out; why is it always a dumpster outside Wal Mart? And why do I always lose my pants when passing through the quantum realm? Who, or what, is stealing my pants?
this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2026
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Oh my god the artifact actually works, I've gotta inform the high command
With shoulder pads like that, I am a believer. This man can do anything.
Wow, no exaggerated clickbait here.
Oh, yeah, this one is fun cause the whole article still feels like eating the onion.
Being John Malkoditch
I think "teleporting to Waffle House" is a new favorite euphemism for getting totally shitfaced
I've teleported to many a Waffle House after a long night.
This comment ironically makes me wish I could give you gold.
Its shockingly accurate.
Previously, he oddly claimed that he involuntarily teleported to a Waffle House in Georgia that was 50 miles away.
Umn.. Aren't blackouts like that typically a sign of alcoholism or other substance abuse?
Sure that or quantum mastery, your view skews pessimistic.
Carbon monoxide leaks
But this handwriting doesn’t look like mine at all
@atzanteol Yeah, I don't think it's all that uncommon for bearded old guys in the South to find themselves at WH unexpectedly.
The destination Waffle House was apparently in Rome, GA. I wonder where the origin "50 miles away" was?
Not because I believe he actually teleported, mind you, but because he was obviously driving while blackout drunk and I want him to stay the Hell away from me.
I guess being a walking disaster is now considered "experience" for disaster management.
"Here comes the disaster... chief."
Lmao, blacked out and went to a waffle house then woke up in a ditch. Huh, must have teleported here by accident.
I'm no longer phased by any new confirmations that we're in the "circus" alternate reality of the one we thought we inhabited.
The people at FEMA praise him cause at least it seems like he actually wants to help after disasters unlike anyone else in government right now... That is where we are at somehow. We are just happy the illegitimate leader nutsos aren't against all help.
You mean we all died and ended up in the Amazing Digital Circus?
Amazing Digital Circus is just retelling I have No Mouth, and I must Scream, so that would mean we all died but 5-6 of us and this is just torture for them.
Please not that.
@schwim *fazed (from Kent dial feeze, 'frighten', < OE fesian / fysian, 'drive away')
'Phase' (v) means to do something gradually or in stages.
However, after a weeks in the role, several FEMA officials said they came around to Phillips after seeing his initiative during the January storm response.
“Gregg Phillips is FEMA’s best hope at this moment. I can’t believe I’m saying that,” one high-ranking FEMA official told CNN at the time.
Same, unnamed FEMA official, same.
@wjrii I would word it more as, "He's obviously terrible and clearly insane, but probably the best we can hope for from this regime for now."
Just not actively trying to destroy the department puts him in the upper echelon of competence for this administration.
Man, Rick Grimes fell off
Rick Grimes would make a damn fine head of FEMA. Bro got shit done.
I thought he was wearing some crazy shoulder pads for a minute.
Disaster Chief is like Captain Obvious