We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
Posts must be:
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
And about a third of the way into his passage, Trump will start rambling on about himself, I guarantee it.
He'll start with the droning, uninterested 'something other than me' voice as he begins the passage, then switch to the excited 'it's about me now' voice to regail everyone with how wonderful he knows he is for a while, then maybe get back to finish the passage, if he can find it again.
Whole thing should take about two hours.
Desperate to win back their Christian voters.
Let's hope they know what a bible actually looks like. They would read the Pulp Fiction movie script if you told them it was a bible.
Also, the Pulp Fiction reading Kegsbreath did, lol
To lazy to do it alive.
The federal is about to pump millions into buying this shit.
to lazy. you know how many takes its gonna be for him to manage to read one correctly.
Trump can even read the Bible upside down!
Taking bets on how far he gets before going off on a tangent about Sleepy Joe or one of his other greatest hits?
"And Jesus looked upon the people and said" you know, I've said a lot of great things. People say I can't talk about how much better things than Jesus I've said, but a lot of people are saying it...
"And on the third day God separated the land and sea to create the continents and oceans. Some say he did a great job, I could do better, many have said it. He put the Strait of Hormuz in Iran, I wouldn't have done that, bad move. Thank you for your attention to this matter."
What about misreading something, and afterwards claim the Bible is wrong?
I'm sure there will be listings on the gross prediction markets.
The world is full of shit and Don jr. is still alive.
And let's make sure it's a real marathon! No water, bathroom breaks, food or sleep until they read the entire Bible from cover to cover, every single available translation. If we're lucky, they'll make it to the New Testament and see how much they fucked up Jesus' teachings!
Ezekiel 23:20
Deut. 21:18-21
What to do if your kid is lazy and drinks too much? According to the Bible:
18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+21%3A18-21&version=KJV
Parts of Deuteronomy sound like someone's fetish fanfic.
AMEN!
Am i the only one who thinks it would be hilarious to watch Trump try to struggle through reading the Bible?
😱 mrw I see this is not the Onion link and instead is not the onion group.
Nope, just child rapists reading a book that supports child rape.
Don't you think that's a bit reductionist? I mean, you'll also find commands for genocide and slavery.
All religion is filled with the same shit. Who could guess that 2,000 years ago was filled with crazy believes?
Trump and other top Republicans will do a table read of Pulp Fiction