blarghly

This is why no therapist will ever say "okay, so here's what you need to do to solve your fucked up problems." Their patients need to come to the answers themselves to accept and take action on them.

This is not controversial. It is literally standard practice among mental health professionals.

The problem with saying obvious things to people with doomer attitudes is that they dismiss them out of hand as soon as they hear them. Literally any suggestion that is made is "dumb" or "impossible" or ends up being more evidence that the system is out to hurt and oppress them specifically.

And of course, whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right - or at least the latter part is true.

Overcoming any doomer mindset and beginning to work on your problems starts with admitting that maybe things aren't quite as bleak as you think they are, and allowing yourself to believe that a better life is possible. Without that, no advice -regardless of content - will help

I mean, I don't want to say that the american system is perfect - or even good. But anon is really missing out on some significant and obvious financial options, and really this is due to the defeatist, doomer attitude they express in their last few sentences. They are effectively resigning themselves to the life of poverty they envision because they don't want to consider that there might be things within their control to inprove their situation.

I personally fall in this camp. I'm only attracted to women who I'm attracted to, and what I'm attracted to is fairly well aligned with conventional beauty standards. The thought of being intimate with someone who I'm not attracted to gives me a visceral feeling of nausea, and on the occasions I've done it anyway in the name of pushing my own boundaries and expanding my horizons, I've woken up the next morning feeling dirty and emotionally sick.

Of course, my attraction to any given individual is not a judgement of their character or worth as a human being. I don't dislike these people, or hold any ill will for them. My penis just doesn't want to be inside them. Felt this way since I was about 9 years old, and the feeling has been pretty consistent since then - I suspect it is quite immutable. This, for me, is quite inconvenient since I also have a high sex drive and am highly motivated by sex. My life would be far easier if I had the capacity to enjoy sex with a greater diversity of people - but I can't.

I solve this problem by being attractive, so pretty women want to sleep with me. It's a fair bit of work, but it's worth it for the hotties. Plus the other benefits.

To spend time with friends and maybe meet new people in a social, fun, and well decorated environment.

Confused. Why is this dumb?

Fake: anon has the balls to chop off his balls
Gay: anon isn't fucking pretty women

and now I’m convinced they use “pretty” to mean “underaged”.

What led you to that conclusion? I'm not seeing it.

...?

Are you high? Lots of people go to bars all the time for all sorts of reasons

Sure. But I think it is better to set realistic expectations. After all, it you don't expect much, then you won't feel so bad when it doesn't manifest. With false hope, you are crushed each time your hopes don't meet reality. In the long run, realistic expectations serve us better because we can see how our efforts lead us to the results we desire.

This isn't to say that conventionally unattractive people should give up all hope and dispair. It just means they should temper their expectations relative to their more attractive counterparts, and should focus on things which are within their circle of control, like fitness, grooming, style, lifestyle, mindset, and number of people talked to.

Or she's just unlucky. Or has some other understandable and solveable problem in her life. Lesson is, just approach anyone you find hot. If they reject you, that's fine. If you find you don't like them and reject them later, that's fine too. Most people aren't "bad", and rejection isn't bad either - it is simply the process by which people figure out who they are compatible with. It sure doesn't feel good - but the one thing that is sure to stunt your progress in finding partners is avoiding things that are uncomfortable

I mean, better solution is to go hang with your friends and commiserate. Which, imo, is always something dating advice seems to avoid talking about. Dating is hard. Having a solid social support system to pick you back up again is crucial.