Sounds to me like you just dodged a bullet, mate.
this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2025
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Absolutely. Anyone willing to treat a stranger this way is unequivocally a shitbag.
She will die alone, whether she is married or not.
i've rejected plenty of women. i've never mocked them while doing it. it's not hard to reject people politely.
i also used to get rejected politely... but i'll admit that the past few years people have started rejecting me really rudely. for some reason post pandemic a lot of people entitled to be a raging assholes.
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No wonder she's single.
"Sorry, from across the bar I couldn't see how ugly your personality was. It all makes sense now."
I mean, considering there’s a 100% chance this is just a fantasy in anon’s head I’d say she dodged a bullet.
What makes you think that the girl is even real?
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Guy's a creepo, gal puts people down unnecessarily. Both will unwillingly die alone.
Why is the guy a creep?
What he says boils down to "I was eavesdropping your conversation, and I assume you're desperate. You might as well lower your standards — date someone random you have no connections with, like me." It's bad; not bad enough to deserve that rude reply, but still bad.
A better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who's alone, offer her a drink*, chitchat a bit, and then ask her for a date. With no references to what she said to other people. Creating some connection between him and her, before he asks her out.
*always ask the bar workers to bring it. Don't bring it yourself.
Nah its not creepy. Its perfectly fine to ask her out like that she just didnt want it and rejected him in a bit of an over the top way. Whole thing is no issue. If you are gonna randomly strike up conversations you will get cooked sometimes.
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A better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*,
A bit of a tangent, but I really hate this. Not meaning to call you out, this is a really common recommendation for an icebreaker and it's also reinforced by popular media and the like, but it always feels to me like the implication is that if a man wants to approach a woman, they must buy something for them as part of that process. Like it's a transaction fee to be given a chance.
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You don't go up to someone and say hey I was listening to you complain about wanting a guy, how about me? and expect a good response.
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He's not a creep, but he has the emotional intelligence of an insurance investigator.
"Hi, you sound needy and vulnerable" is a rough starting point for a pickup line. He clearly didn't mean it as an insult, but it's not hard to imagine a woman in that situation being embarrassed, feeling exposed, and being insulted by the implication that this guy might be trying to capitalize on her moment of vulnerability.
Hurt-people hurt people.
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Hey Anon, you did great!
In this situation, as in many in life, Judo rules apply: Go with the punch, don't push against it.
This was a win, you just need to recognize it as that.
- you proved yourself that you have lots of courage
- you were not a creep when talking to a stranger
- you dodged a bullet with that woman.
- you tried something new. (might not have worked out at the first try, but can't really expect to be that lucky)
keep it up, don't lose heart, you'll find your match.
For real, I can probably count on my hands the number of times I tried cold approaches like that in my life. Especially with a pack of girls. Super duper ballsy of Anon. Much respect.
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Super rude on her part, but it's also extremely intrusive, rude, and weird to walk up to a total stranger you've never even talked to and ask her to dinner solely because you've been sitting alone at the bar for three hours overhearing her complain to her friends about being single. I'm not saying it can't work if you're physically like an 8–10/10, but that's effectively all she has to go on besides this obviously weird thing you're doing.
"I'm not desperate" could totally be referring to what he did rather than how he looks. This is George Costanza shit.
Um, this is the point of going on a date? To get to know someone new? She shouldn't need anything else to go on until after they've spent some time getting to know each other? A first date is not a lifetime commitment.
How else do you get a date with someone, if not by asking them?
The point of going on a date is getting to know somebody better because you're interested in them. Why on Earth would this woman be interested in this weirdo who she knows nothing about except, at most, that he sat alone at a bar for three hours straight, listened to her conversation, and interrupted her to ask her to dinner on the premise that she needs saving from being single specifically by him?
Haaaaa the new generations… ya know once upon a times this was standard procedure right? Not so long ago even. Sometimes you didn’t even talk before furiously kissing someone on the dance floor and discussions came waaaaaay later on if they ever came.
This still happens, but you also still need to be suave about it, which anon was not.
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You get the difference though, right? Like, it's one thing if you're going out to a place known for mingling and you hook up with someone. It is a completely different thing if you're at a place to hang out with friends and a complete stranger saunters up to say he's been eavesdropping on you.
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Stories like this are presented from the POV of the guy, even from that perspective it's not 'good', at best it's just not 'bad'
There's nothing wrong with asking but also like don't just drop it out of nowhere.
Even if the vibes are right, you can't just walk up to someone, say 'wanna date?' and get good results. That's especially true if you open by saying you were evesdropping.
Chat with someone for a bit, see if you click before asking them on a date. Even just buy them a drink and give them the option to approach you.
She was a massive dick, but that doesn't mean he handled the situation well.
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Nah.
Rude?
On the guy's part?
No, not at all.
Done pretty clumsily, awkwardly?
Sure.
But, assuming OP actually said what they said they said, that's not impolite, that's not rude.
Its not insulting.
It makes literally no difference at all that the guy was sitting in the bar listening to her talk to her friends for 3 hours before he worked up the nerve to attempt to ask her out.
What if he had... just walked in and did this?
Or... been at the table nearby for 30 minutes?
Or was playing Pool for an hour near the table?
None of those things factors in to how rude or not his actions toward her were.
Also... what world are you living in where talking to someone you haven't previously met, in a bar, is a social faux pas?
The... whole point of going to a place with a bunch of people drinking is to be at a place with a bunch of people drinking.
I met new people at bars all the time back in my college days, made a lot of friends that way, sometimes a bit more than friends.
This is like, how society worked for at least a hundred years, basically before the invention of TikTok/Instagram.
I am honestly baffled by your stance here.
This isn't a sit down restaurant.
Its a bar. A pub.
Like sure, barging into an ongoing conversation and inserting yourself into it does require some tact, skill, and ability to just bounce off if its clear your presence is not appreciated.
But her level of cruelty was far, far more rude than anything this socially anxious guy did.
I was the guy who apparently was in your 8 to 10 range, as I'd do basically this, though a bit more smoothly, and fairly often it would work.
Sometimes you get a soft, polite no, and that's totally fine.
Sometimes, you get a hard no, a vicious no, like this one.
And that stings.
This guy, OP? His entire world is hard nos, every time he tries.
He is literally despairing over this, and you call him rude.
This is the kind of mindset that you have, that led to the proliferation of the saying and concept 'Bros before Hoes'.
That doesn't mean all women are hoes.
It means guys with pretty privilege wingman for their bros without it, and help their bros recover from brutal rejections like this one.
Honestly, I've even wingmanned for socially awkward gals too, work them into a conversation I'm already having with some guy they've told me they very much fancy, but are too scared to even approach.
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Talking to a stranger is extremely rude?
How are you supposed to find a partner if you're not allowed to talk to strangers?
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Nah but for real if some random stranger at a bar overheard me saying I'm single and then came up to me and my friends like that I would be a little creeped out too.
I wouldn't be mean about it, but I definitely wouldn't say yes.
For sure and that's alright. But at the same time pubs are called that because they are a public space, hence you usually don't expect actual privacy and it's what leads to moments of joy when things randomly fall into place. Could be creepy, could be magical.
Anon gave it a try, failed his landing (asking a girl out was a bit much, he could have just offered a drink and joined in on the convo), but he shouldn't feel so bad about it.
It sucks that he doesn't have mates he can laugh about it with though. That's the real tragedy to me.
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Fake: anon approached a girl
Gay: anon was daydreaming for 3 hours about getting engaged
Thats why she cant find a man! Lesson here dont approach women that say “they cant find a man” there is a reason they cant find a man and you should believe her. What you did was courageous and this shouldn’t stop you from trying in the future.
Thats why she cant find a man!
I read about a guy on a website who just trolled bars for hours at a time, eavesdropping on every conversation between anyone he considered remotely attractive. At the slightest hint of desperation, he would run up to a table and announce "I am a single man! Please date me! I will feed you dinner and then we can be together!"
He is the most successful anon in history. Goes on dates every single day of his life. Little black book contains hundreds of phone numbers from women desperate for a second chance at him. But he doesn't stop. One Date Only, that's his policy. He's just too much of a hot commodity to deprive the rest of the Femoid Race of his charms.
This is the real reason OP's story is about a woman who is single.
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That’s when you go “Oh Okay, I can see why your single” and walk away like a boss
I can't imagine why no one would want her with that shining personality
Fake: Anon left the house
Gay: Anon was a girl this whole time
Seriously, you just learned why
Reminds me of the guy who dmed me that he wanted to touch my boobs in broken english. I made fun of him so hard that he started calling me "mean" and stopped texting me
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