Not The Onion

18203 readers

1167 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

1244

Disappointed Christians say God is delaying the Rapture until Epstein Files are released (www.dailystar.co.uk)

submitted 3 days ago by OhNoMoreLemmy@lemmy.ml to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

216 comments fedilink hide all child comments

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 159 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Weird...

According to the Bible no man, no angel, not even Jesus Christ himself knows when the rapture will be...

Huge fan of whoever convinced them to blame it on trump not releasing the Epstein files tho.

[–] disguy_ovahea@lemmy.world 95 points 3 days ago (4 children)

There’s no such mention of the rapture at all in the Bible. It was invented in the 19th century.

https://www.neh.gov/article/rise-rapture-horror-culture

[–] makyo@lemmy.world 42 points 3 days ago

It was invented to distract us from the Trump/Epstein files

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 8 points 3 days ago

Esoterica channel on YT is a bit over halfway through a lecture series on Merkavah, that talks about apocalypse predictions and the language used and why (which by extrapolation applies to occult topics and language used).

[–] IphtashuFitz@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

“Life was filled with guns and war,” the song begins, “and everyone got trampled on the floor. I wish we’d all been ready.”

Wow, sounds like we’re already living it today…

[–] HowAbt2day@futurology.today 2 points 3 days ago

What about the 12000 from each of the 12 tribes?

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

"Clearly, when he wrote with his own hand that no man would know the day or the hour, the Lord wasn't counting on a genius like me coming along."

a whole shitload of different preachers

Joking aside, how do whole congregations avoid seeing the narcissism on some of these motherfuckers?

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

The ones that could self selected out. (Or were kicked out.)

[–] Thaurin@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Which is strange, because Jesus is God and God is all knowing…

Also what disguy was saying of course.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

But surely it won’t happen until after God sees those files. They might affect who gets raptured. /s