this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2026
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What dating apps are really optimizing. Hint: it isn’t love (theconversation.com)
submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by Beep@lemmus.org to c/technology@lemmy.world
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In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, dating apps typically see a spike in new users and activity. More profiles are created, more messages sent, more swipes logged.

Dating platforms market themselves as modern technological solutions to loneliness, right at your fingertips. And yet, for many people, the day meant to celebrate romantic connection feels lonelier than ever.

This, rather than a personal failure or the reality of modern romance, is the outcome of how dating apps are designed and of the economic logic that governs them.

These digital tools aren’t simply interfaces that facilitate connection. The ease and expansiveness of online dating have commodified social bonds, eroded meaningful interactions and created a type of dating throw-away culture, encouraging a sense of disposability and distorting decision-making.

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[–] Soup@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Been trying Hinge and there’s lots of space and opportunity for it. What I’ve discovered/had validated is thay most people are just painfully cookie-cutter. Some are not, and it’s why I still use it.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So many people see the prompt "what I'm looking for" and write "my keys".

A. That's not a terribly funny joke. It's fine, but not great.

B. It's not original.

C. You are wasting valuable space. Now the other person has a little less information to make a good opening message. Do you really want that many people messaging you about your keys? Really? Why are you setting yourself up for unhappy outcomes?

Most people don't think very hard about this, and hope it'll just work out.

[–] Soup@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I just skip over that stuff. If they’re cute but otherwise just expect me, a person who can’t know anything about them, to show up and figure it out then I’m just going to move on. It’s annoying that it takes up space but I otherwise just ignore it. Same with anyone who has reduced themselves to a universally palatable version so as not to be too challenging.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 1 points 1 day ago

I’m just going to move on

That's my point. They're doing a self-sabotage. Some of them will then complain that they're not getting good matches and messages, but a big factor is they're not giving potential good matches anything to work with.