this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2026
305 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

20679 readers
1622 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Folks, CALM DOWN, this is still in the workshopping phase ok? First we bomb them, then we workshop WHY we bombed them, do you not understand the plan!?

Democrats, predictably, were apoplectic. “There was no imminent threat to the United States of America by the Iranians,” said Mark Warner, the top Democrat on the Senate intelligence committee, who had received classified briefings from Rubio. “There was a threat to Israel. If we equate a threat to Israel as the equivalent of an imminent threat to the United States, then we are in uncharted territory.”


Meanwhile somewhere below decks on the Titanic 11:45 PM (ship's time) on April 14, 1912

Well, if we were to equate the threat of icebergs to an imminent threat to our ship, then we would be in uncharted territory! - a well dressed crew member with an officer's hat calmly explains to a passenger.


you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 23 points 9 hours ago (3 children)

You're both wrong.

It's because it's a distraction from Epstein. You're not talking about how trump rapes children. If we go to war, that becomes the focus. No longer putting pressure on trump over how trump rapes children. See, I have to keep typing trump rapes children, because society seems to have the memory of a goldfish, and have forgotten that trump rapes children.

Now, view every action he's done since taking office, and underatand understand that EVERYTHING is a distraction from trump raping children.

Now don't forget this time, ok?

[–] Zink@programming.dev 4 points 6 hours ago

It's also very possible that the war is a roudabout consequence of the child rape, assuming Epstein was a Mossad honeypot and Israel really really wants the US to be blowing up Iran right now.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 16 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

It’s because it’s a distraction from Epstein. You’re not talking about how trump rapes children.

I believe we're now talking about how he murders children

[–] e0qdk@reddthat.com 9 points 9 hours ago

I believe we're now talking about how he murders children

Unfortunately, yes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2026_Minab_school_airstrike

[–] Wammityblam@lemmy.world 4 points 7 hours ago

I get the sentiment, but war is worse than obvious pedophiles trying and failing to hide their crimes