this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[โ€“] MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 113 points 10 months ago (1 children)

She's just a body pillow Anon... I know you like to call her your "waifu", but she can't actually make you do anything you don't want to do. I say put her back in her slip cover and stick her in the closet, with $18k you can afford a harem of Real Dolls who won't talk back to you ๐Ÿ˜‰

[โ€“] lvxferre@lemmy.ml 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not even a body pillow, Anon is a master tulpamancer and made a tulpa of some MLP character.

[โ€“] RobertoOberto@sh.itjust.works 13 points 10 months ago

tulpa
tulpamancer

When I looked these up, I was really expecting the first link to be Urban Dictionary. Learning that it was derived from Buddhist traditions was a surprise.

[โ€“] Quexotic@sh.itjust.works 82 points 10 months ago

Pay off all debts with whatever you have after taxes. Put the rest in investments. Let her pay for the trip to congratulate you.

Of course, it's fake, but that's what you do with windfalls.

[โ€“] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 49 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Lol I've heard this exact story down to her looking for the trips before.

All stories fake blah blah

[โ€“] Sharpiemarker@startrek.website 33 points 10 months ago

How else can you radicalize incels on the internet, if not through fake stories of becoming rich and abandoning the person you convinced you cared about them?

Of course, still fun to read though.

[โ€“] Subverb@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago

Yep. Like my first wife.

My salary was "our money", her salary was "her money".

[โ€“] CJOtheReal@ani.social 26 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Man the first problem is having a girlfriend. That's gay. Get a boyfriend.

[โ€“] ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Individually our penises are weak, like a single twig

[โ€“] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago

Together they are strong... like apes together.

[โ€“] Dirk@lemmy.ml 10 points 10 months ago
[โ€“] morphballganon@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

Simplest solution: say you'd rather go to Antarctica. Get job at the South Pole base, away from her.

[โ€“] Knasen@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Also known as marriage..

[โ€“] protist@mander.xyz 3 points 10 months ago

Anon should get her a modest gift and take her to a decent restaurant. The rest, do what he wants with. If she handles his decision poorly, he should probably end it, but all she's demonstrated so far is that she dreams of going to Bali, she hasn't acted toxic or anything

[โ€“] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 2 points 10 months ago

Why'd you let it get that far? I would have said, "my number won" and left it at that