this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 3 points 5 hours ago

What a freak!

Just fall in-love with AI like a normal person.

(I can't even do that, I literally can't see AI as people)

[–] markovs_gun@lemmy.world 22 points 10 hours ago

This is one instance where I'd say I'd actually prefer if he had an anime body pillow or real doll he was forming this sort of unhealthy attachment to.

[–] gramie@lemmy.ca 49 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

I hate to break it to you, but that's a male spider and you're gay.

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

Without a pic how do you know

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 17 points 12 hours ago

And this story is real, so it is Real AND Gay!

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 36 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Loneliness affects people. And as gregariois animals we are, the closest possibility to connect, in any form, is taken.

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

Y'know... as lonely as I can get (and I get pretty lonely), that mosquito munching on my forearm is still getting a firm slap. Eventually.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 11 points 12 hours ago

Fight malaria when you can!

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 83 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

I feel so much more normal for just saying hello to my shower spider now.

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 10 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

My shower spider gets a reminder of our deal.

"You know the drill. You stay up there, I stay over here, nobody has to be injured today."

Sometimes the spider decides to come over to my side and gets flushed or squished, but they knew what was expected of them.

[–] ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 5 hours ago

I have one of those who knows her place. She’s been there for probably a year now, and I don’t feed her so she must be doing something for me.

She briefly had a friend of the same species set up shop on the other side of the shower. That one didn’t get the memo and decided to wander all over the place while I was showering, breaking the pact. That one went down the drain. The other is still there, months after that event.

[–] RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 hours ago

Real talk: people that save spiders and make it a moral thing confuse the heck out of me.

Like, if you were the spiders size proportionally to the spider, it would web you up and suck your blood for being in its home...

[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 31 points 15 hours ago

Be careful, though! This is the first step towards what anon describes!

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 14 points 15 hours ago

Shower spider wants to watch you touch yourself

[–] Tracaine@lemmy.world 52 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

He's going to let a spider crawl on his penis in the name of gooning isn't he? I really want off this ride.

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 9 points 14 hours ago

It happened long ago. Closer to you than you think

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 11 points 15 hours ago

Whatever, more for me

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 17 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I had a daddy longlegs in my bathroom for a while. My bathroom exhaust fan broke so the room would get super steamy, and I think the poor spider drowned, because it had clearly died in that spot, hanging from my ceiling.

I still feel a little sad about that spider-bro.

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 12 points 13 hours ago

Probably didn't drown but might have gotten infected by mold. There's a reason spiders prefer dry places.

[–] Captain_Baka@feddit.org 22 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Least weird greentext I've read for a while.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 16 points 15 hours ago

Look, everyone tries to fuck shower spider at some point. It's a rite of passage

Spider-bros are the best. I hope one day I can have a trained jumping spider sidekick on my shoulder.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

I know I have hidden spider bros because I haven't seen a single insect in my apartment in several years.

It's just the fact that I haven't seen any spiders in a while that makes me worried that I'm gonna lift something off the floor and see thousands of them or some shit lol

[–] Pringles@lemm.ee 1 points 8 hours ago

It might be centipedes. Those guys are apex predators of their microcosm.

[–] Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 2 points 12 hours ago

Basically the Yukihiro Takahashi song “Grand Espoir”

[–] LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 15 hours ago