this post was submitted on 30 Mar 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] k0e3@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 hour ago

It's funny because in Japanese, we don't have distinct sounds for 'er' and 'ah' so it ends up sounding like the special edition Ass model of Tenga.

[–] SaltSong@startrek.website 7 points 2 hours ago

This is the worst headline I've read all day.

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

no one will ever suspect your masturbation aid is actually a jar full of noxious chemicals.

Oooohhh, that might explain the nonstop burn I've been feeling

[–] moondoggie@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

I mean, aren’t they all jars full of noxious chemicals after awhile?

[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 10 points 4 hours ago

Well, if there's one place you don't want a mosquito bite...

[–] Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 6 hours ago

Weird collab, but tenga makes great shit and I'd trust them with my dick and my life.

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 13 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Oh no, I needed this specific formula of insect repellent but the store only has them in stock with the toy as a package deal. Guess I'll just have to buy them both.

[–] YetAnotherNerd@sopuli.xyz 6 points 4 hours ago

We BELIEVE you!

[–] devdoggy@piefed.social 3 points 5 hours ago

I need to move to Japan....