It was the man who died.
You wouldn't have to clarify that if you simply didn't follow the inane newspaper headline style that should be dead in the age of the web.
this post was submitted on 08 Apr 2026
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The “you might also like” section is absolutely right about me:
Osaka Man, the Japanese counterpart to Florida Man.
"Japanese man arrested for shouting that he studies English (weird) before grabbing woman's butt (illegal)" was a 10/10 article for sure
Still, I didn’t have it as bad as one 41-year-old woman living in Fukuoka City. Late in the afternoon of Saturday December 2, the woman (whose name has been withheld) contacted the police after the man who lived in the unit above her suddenly smashed through his floor/her ceiling and hurled a large piece of wood into her living space.
Sweet jebus. I've heard that the walls in those apartment are rather thin. Still, this (and the other stories on here) is pretty unhinged.
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This is a good time to remember:
If it bites you and you die; venomous
If you bite it and you die; poisonous
If it bites you and you both die, rabies
To match the "venomous" and "poisonous" words, you can also say "contagious".
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And if it bites you, and it dies, you are poisonous.
So the woman was poisonous, gottit
Women have to protect themselves from weirdos somehow.
Also, believe it or not, jail.
Yeah, but this is: If it bites you and it dies, you're poisonous?
That is identical to the 2nd case.
I'm therefore technically poisonous to pretty much everything that bites me without permission. Hunh. 🤷🏽♂️
FYI this was last week, the cherry blossoms are basically gone now, 2 weeks earlier than last year. Here's a pic from 2 weeks ago.
I've got cherry trees in Australia and they only bloom for a few days the last few years.
Climate sure is changing, our blooms in the PNW have been lasting for weeks almost a whole month now. I remember years ago as a kid it would be less than a week.
Related Stories
- Man in Japan breaks through his own apartment floor to attack woman’s TV
- Osaka man finds stranger eating in his kitchen at night, stranger dies shortly after
- Man in Japan arrested after sneaking into woman’s apartment and washing her lingerie
- Osaka man arrested after sharing futon with dead girlfriend’s body for five nights
- Japanese man arrested for shouting that he studies English (weird) before grabbing woman’s butt (illegal)
Osaka Man is clearly Florida Man's long lost brother.
plot twist: it's all the same guy
Move over Florida Man, Osaka Man had entered the Arena
The (edit: second) Osaka one is just sad. Grief sucks.
Unless he killed her...
What is in the water in Osaka?
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Fuck yeah, patient zero! I was starting to loose hope that zombie apocalypse could beat out climate change, pollution, wealth inequality, and fascism. But it's back in the race!
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Cherry blossoms are symbolic of a short life, but he was 89, so it doesn't poetically apply here.
In Japan we say the crazies come out in spring. Glad we're still keeping that tradition alive.
Never bite your woman in a cherry blossom park in Japan.
We're fucked
She was poisonous, you see.
man didn't tell she was of the poisonous type
Never heard about this toxic femininity before!
I really expected that to go the other way. A bite from an unkempt mouth on an older person just sounds like a great way to get sepsis.
So glad someone turned that news story into a terrible animated video!
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