this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] RaoulDook@lemmy.world 257 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Everything I hear about that guy is worse each time

[–] SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 181 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The actual self quote is so much worse than the headline

“I was standing in front of my parked car on I-684 cutting the penis out of a road killed raccoon, thinking about how weird some of my family members have turned out to be,” he wrote, reportedly reflecting on strained relationships with his brother Douglas Kennedy and cousin Bobby Shriver. “My kids waited patiently in the car.”

[–] nkat2112@sh.itjust.works 66 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Holy...

This might be weirder than the time he bragged about his immunity and fearlessness of germs in the context of cocaine and a public toilet seat. But I forget how that goes.

[–] lividweasel@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Where does it rank relative to strapping a whale head to the roof of the minivan, dripping whale goo on his family?

[–] variablenine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Or the time he dumped a dead bear cub in central park and staged it to look like a bicycle accident. That was only 12 years ago

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[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 83 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Everything I learn about him is against my will.

[–] variablenine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

He also beheaded a beached whale with a chainsaw and bungee corded it to the top of his minivan for a five hour drive

[–] Dojan@pawb.social 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

That sounds made up. But so does all the rest of this.

What the fuck.

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[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 129 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (7 children)

Somehow this guy is even more deranged to me than Trump (EU perspective). How in the ever living fuck does this dude get to have any say on healthcare? How can even the most sycophantic republican see this guy bathe in shit and necrophilia/bestiality crossover some roadkill, and think "yeah, this man gives good advice on healthy living"???

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 73 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

They want us all to get sick and die so the United States fails.

Trump hates this country that always meddled in his affairs and then broke up his pedo-influence ring, leading him to kill his best friend to cover up what he knew. It’s like an opera to that old queen-in-denial, and as a narcissistic sociopath he can’t not get his revenge. “Don’t worry Jeffry, I’ll take them all down for what they made me do to you”

All the little toadies in the admin think that if they usher in the apocalypse they’ll be raptured into heaven and never have to deal with the rest of us and our needs again.

All the billionaires watched this guy cheat his way to the top and since they’ve all done it to one degree or another they think it’s a great opportunity to make more money (and for some, it has been)

RFK Jr has had half his brain eaten by a worm.

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[–] ProfThadBach@lemmy.world 27 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't forget the rotting whale head he strapped to the top of his car on a family outing.

[–] moody@lemmings.world 29 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Or the dead bear he casually dropped in Central Park

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[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 83 points 3 weeks ago
[–] merdaverse@lemmy.zip 76 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

“I was standing in front of my parked car on I-684 cutting the penis out of a road killed raccoon, thinking about how weird some of my family members have turned out to be,” he wrote, reportedly reflecting on strained relationships with his brother Douglas Kennedy and cousin Bobby Shriver. “My kids waited patiently in the car.”

This wins the Not the Onion gold medal

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] sns@lemmy.dbzer0.com 57 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Tom Green humped a dead moose. Does that qualify him to be the surgeon general?

[–] dumbass@piefed.social 70 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Tom Green would be profoundly better as the surgeon general.

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 61 points 3 weeks ago

The dead moose would be profoundly better as the surgeon general.

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[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 51 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

“… so anyway you guys wanna see my roadkill penis collection?

As far as a hobby goes it’s got some stiff competition! Hah!

But anyways do you?”

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

Like he'd ask.

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[–] Bahnd@lemmy.world 46 points 3 weeks ago

Between international crimes on the high seas, Pakistan being the voice of reason, and the pope & muslims leaders agreeing on something, the writers are going to have to do better for wild and unexpected shit... Its only tuesday.

[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 40 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

I keep thinking about that guy that had to shutter his political career because of one awkward yell at a campaign rally. Or Al Franken. How did we get from there to here?

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Imagine being 18 years old and this kind of insanity is all you’ve ever known.

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[–] Aeao@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

AND WERE GOONG TO WHITE HOUSE ! HEYAAH

Fucking classic

Honestly I’d give my left testicle to even have John McCain back in office. I didn’t like that guy but atleast when he talked about Obama he said something like “no he’s not a Muslim and he’s not going to ruin the country. He’s a fine man we just disagree “

Or something like that.

I’d trade trump for McCain right now if it was an option.

So I agree WTF happened to politics! They aren’t even trying to be shady anymore.

We know the government doesn’t have aliens now atleast because trump would have announced it, say he found them, and name the species after himself.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago

Trump told a lot of stupid, hateful people that their bigotry and ignorance weren't merely justified, they were righteous in their beliefs

He told them that their hatred made them better than the people they fear

He promised them that he would hurt the people they dislike, and they're hoping that they'll get to hurt them too

And too many people in the US are stupid, ignorant, afraid and full of hatred

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[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 37 points 3 weeks ago

What kinda Jeffrey Dahmer bullshit is this?

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 36 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

Any penis can be detachable if you put in the work. Detachable Peeenis

/seriously though, wtf

[–] austinfloyd@ttrpg.network 13 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I was not expecting a King Missile reference in 2026. Thank you.

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[–] etherphon@piefed.world 36 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

This is really some serial killer shit.

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[–] Slashme@lemmy.world 31 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

That doesn't bother me at all. I come from a biologist family, and this is unusual, but not morally wrong, and it speaks to curiosity. Unfortunately, his curiosity didn't extend to developing a working understanding of science or biology, and he turned into a conspiracy theorist with a complete lack of self-criticism.

So now, instead of becoming a scientist, he's destroying the practice of science in the USA.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 17 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

hes totally in the pseudoscience. even someone with a science background isnt going around cutting off dead animals penises. he also chose the animal with the most dangerous pathogens too.

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[–] 6stringringer@lemmy.zip 30 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

He has a torture shed in some remote location. No proof but wouldn’t be surprised the slightest.

[–] IratePirate@feddit.org 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Ties to Maxwell, confirmed on Epstein's plane twice... Torture shed it is.

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[–] ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It has been said that in times of trouble, the arts flourish. I don't know how true that is, but of all the tributes I've seen to the batshit crazy that is RFK Jr, I think our own @Formfiller@lemmy.world has captured RFK Jr's true self best in the most fitting artistic memorialization I've seen yet:

Source

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[–] NoxAstrum@lemmy.ca 23 points 3 weeks ago

Well, what else was he going to do with it, leave it alone?

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 22 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

what does it take for a person get institutionalized

[–] zebidiah@lemmy.ca 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well if you're a Kennedy, then a having a vagina and an interest in boys will get you a lobotomy...

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[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

TOTALLY NORMAL.

WE'VE ALL HAD HOLIDAYS LIKE THAT.

TOTALLY REGULAR URGE TO KEEP THE PENISES OF ROADKILL FOR CLOSER STUDY LATER.

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[–] Hiro8811@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago

Yes "to study later", in his room, alone, blind closed, red wine and lines of coke

[–] socsa@piefed.social 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Look, usually I am just as much "fuck trump" as anyone else l, but seriously, how many of you would honestly just let a perfectly good racoon penis go to waste?

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[–] BurgerBaron@piefed.social 18 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] MithranArkanere@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago

Calling these people "weird" does a disservice to all good and honest weird people all over the world.

[–] heartpunk25@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago

I think this is just what happens when republican men don't feel like they can be bisexual.

[–] dis_da_mor@anarchist.nexus 15 points 3 weeks ago

as one does

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

RFK thinks cutting a raccoon penis makes him like Leonardo da Vinci but it actually makes him more like Buffalo Bill.

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[–] NauticalNoodle@lemmy.ml 14 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

this guy that plays with animal corpses is going to grow up one day to be a serial killer.

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Okay, so we heard the brainworm is dead, but have we had any official confirmation of that? I mean, his behavior, the things he admits to like they are normal, he's got to have something going wrong, right?

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[–] webkitten@piefed.social 14 points 2 weeks ago

Men will do anything to avoid seeing a therapist.

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