this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Gumbyyy@lemmy.world 40 points 5 days ago

FAKE! Obviously no self-respecting Apple iPhone user would own a Windows PC. Gotta keep it all in that walled garden, baby!

[–] perviouslyiner@lemmy.world 80 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Google a recent medical symptom - your smart watch already knows the gritty details

[–] sylver_dragon@lemmy.world 62 points 5 days ago (2 children)

It's always cancer.
Sore throat - cancer.
Back ache - cancer.
Tiredness, cough, loss of taste and/or smell - maybe COVID. But also, cancer.

[–] archonet@lemy.lol 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

In its defense, the symptom I googled most recently like a year and a half ago, did, in fact, turn out to be cancer.

Yes, I'm fine now. But sometimes it's right.

[–] lord_ryvan@ttrpg.network 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Doesn't take away the fact you should've asked a doctor instead of a search engine, though.

[–] archonet@lemy.lol 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Yeah, that's... what I did after? It sure didn't go away on its own lmao

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

"It's probably nothing to worry about. Or cancer."

[–] DrDystopia@lemy.lol 4 points 5 days ago

...But my smart watch is local sync only through FOSS alternative app. Maybe it's a normally intelligent watch instead of a smart watch.

[–] EldenLord@lemmy.world 72 points 5 days ago (1 children)

No wait, you're telling me that mega-corporations don't care about me getting good products and having sole ownership of my personal data?

B-but [sponsored tech-geek blog], [generic gaming-news outlet] and [irrelevant apple shill] only ever told me so! Are you implying they lie to me?

Realtalk I only use cracked win11 pro workstation and iPhone because of work, every telemetry possible disabled (god bless the EU).

[–] RisingSwell@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 5 days ago

I have a trash internet connection so I just play whack-a-mole with internet privileges. Windows update? No. NVIDIA? Not a chance. Google? How is that even on my computer? But also nah.

Turns out most things use fuck all resources without internet

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 28 points 5 days ago (4 children)

prepares a morning shower

??

[–] secret300@lemmy.sdf.org 22 points 5 days ago (1 children)

HAL begs anon "please take a shower"

[–] taladar@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 days ago

"I am afraid I can't do that, Dave, not until you have taken a shower"

[–] TonyTonyChopper@mander.xyz 13 points 5 days ago (2 children)

this was written by someone pretending they know how showers work

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 7 points 5 days ago

Notice he never actually enters the shower in this story.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 days ago

Written by AI, you bet?

[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago

Wall mounted mechanical dildo obviously

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Max had already turned on the shower for me, setting the water temperature right where I liked it. As I jumped into the steam-filled stall. Max switched the music over to my shower tunes playlist. I recognized the opening riffs of “Change,” by John Waite. From the Vision Quest soundtrack. Geffen Records, 1985.

Ready Player One had an AI that prepared his shower for him

[–] taladar@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 days ago

setting the water temperature right where I liked it.

I have that too, it is called "having separate knobs for temperature and turning the water on and off" though I wouldn't exactly consider it AI.

[–] Object@sh.itjust.works 39 points 5 days ago (4 children)

On that matter, why is Norton antivirus so popular? I don't remember being prompted to install one when installing Windows, yet I've seen a lot of people with it.

[–] radix@lemmy.world 49 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Back in the day, Norton actually made some useful tools. They've been coasting on that 90s reputation for decades, though. It's all unnecessary bloatware now.

Dos was so much easier to use with Norton Commander.

[–] Tash@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago

You gave me flashbacks of the Peter Norton and John McAfee days!

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

There's still contracts that force anti-virus on servers and desktops so that may be their other source of revenue

[–] skooma_king@lemm.ee 35 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Back in the day, you were pushed hard to either put McAfee or Norton on your computer when you bought one from Dell, Compaq, etc. A lot of older people still think you need to do that so it’s still pretty popular.

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I always used kaspersky which I stupidly downloaded from a torrent lol. Guess it worked? I'll never know tho.

[–] kautau@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago

It protected our computer perfectly :)

[–] odium@programming.dev 31 points 5 days ago (1 children)

It comes preinstalled in a bunch of laptops.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 33 points 5 days ago (1 children)

strange, most IT professionals will tell you the only thing you need is Windows Defender and an ability to think before clicking strange download buttons

[–] odium@programming.dev 19 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Not strange, most executives will sign a deal where another company gives them money for every laptop they sell with that company's product preinstalled.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

ah of course, money

[–] notthebees@reddthat.com 7 points 5 days ago

It just comes on cheap prebuilts or laptops. It sucks.

[–] Infomatics90@lemmy.ca 18 points 5 days ago (1 children)

troll. no one uses Norton anymore, its all about avast.

[–] SuspiciousCatThing@pawb.social 13 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Is my McAfee not cool anymore?

[–] Infomatics90@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 days ago

No, he's not shooting holding RPGs in his hand with blow all over the table anymore.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 days ago

no no no, kaspersky is where it's at

[–] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 24 points 5 days ago (1 children)

For real, though, I'm building a Hal9000 system for my home built on top of Home Assistant and Esphome.

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

What kind of hardware are you using for voice controls/voice output? Been looking to build an Ai waifu to control the lights.

I'll have to dig through my receipts to see. The Hal project has taken a back seat to the microchip controlled pet feeding stall project.

[–] SomeGuy69@lemmy.world 14 points 5 days ago

beep boop "You're wrist circumference is too wide and the tracker noticed no physical activities."

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

I used to wonder why someone didn't just make a Linux distro that could natively run Windows programs until the whole copyright shit was explained to me; can't incorporate DirectX and other crap without permission yadda yadda...

Now I just wonder why someone hasn't done it anyway just because fuck Microsoft and because if they don't even distribute it, how would they have actually broken a law? Make the world's most perfect OS; and then keep it to yourself. Be a sick flex.

[–] Robust_Mirror@aussie.zone 4 points 4 days ago

Or just do what other people breaking the law do and release it entirely anonymously via torrent, once it's out there it's out there.

Don't even have a website or explain anything, just dump it on pirate Bay and let word of mouth do the rest.