this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 193 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Don't end it Anon, you just struck it rich my dude. The police tear apart your parents home looking for a nonexistent meth lab run by a nonexistent student and a photo as evidence which is a top search result?

The police union basically just handed your family 10 Million Dollars after a brief lawsuit against the city.

Maybe, but it may take a couple years to see any of that money...

[–] bassomitron@lemmy.world 128 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Man, that might happen for a high profile family/person. For average people in many places in the US, they'll be lucky if the police even pay out to cover damages to property, nevermind anything else.

Edit: and yes, I know this is just a green text and not a real story.

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They'll be lucky if the police don't kill them in the raid.

[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 53 points 1 week ago

Very easy to tell whether they will get killed during the raid, simply follow the Standard Police Academy Appropriate Force chart:

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 29 points 1 week ago (2 children)

There are tons of examples counter to your claim.

A lot of the settlements probably don't even get reported on at the request of the city in question.

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

While true, your hypothesis doesn't take into consideration how often the police fuck up.

And you don't seem to take into consideration how rarely people sue. A lot of open and shut cases aren't pursued because the public doesn't know they can.

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Yeah, 10 million might be a stretch. But the city I used to work in would immediately settle for 250k for something like that. Lawyers are expensive, and losing is more expensive

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[–] yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And anywhere outside the US, home searches are nearly always legal since they must be signed by a judge. And judges rarely rule against their own.

Over here in Germany, where the inviolability of the home is in the constitution, the suspicion of any crime suffices for getting your home searched. This includes filesharing, spraying graffiti or insulting someone on the internet by calling them a dick. Plus, any resulting damages are only paid if you are found not guilty.

[–] cheers_queers@lemm.ee 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

calling someone a dick is a crime??

[–] yetAnotherUser@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

https://archive.is/RsyNC [unpaywalled Washington Post link]

Some reactions:

The text above reads: "Special Police Unit Wall and Color"

The text below: "Andy, you are such 1 dick."

Later the police arrived:

But again:

And the cops came back:

But finally:

By the way, the case was finally dropped. Only because the outrage made them not pursue it though. Courts would have likely ruled this was an insult.

[–] bassomitron@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That's wild that insults are a crime there, I never knew that. Quite funny back and forth, though. I laughed at how the writing got more and more chaotic haha

As for your other comment, the US also requires a judge to sign off on a warrant for raiding/searching someone's home. Some judges are more strict about it than others, and the more high profile you are, the more the judges tend to be stricter with approving them.

However, if you're in a poorer area and you're not rich, it's not unheard of for home raids to occur quite liberally. Hell, one of my old coworkers got raided a few years ago due to the police going to the wrong address (the intended house was across the street). And no, the police didn't give shit for compensation and his family couldn't afford to take it to court. He also just didn't want to deal with potential repercussions of the police harassing him afterwards since he's an immigrant (here legally, but yeah, lots of people here don't care about that...).

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 36 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I don't think cops are liable for damages even in a case like this.

Probable cause is a whole ass bitch.

[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago

Plenty of places would happily pay a couple of million not to find out

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

10M was a stretch for sure, but a family in Jolliet recently got 2.9M USD for the police raiding the wrong house and quite a while back Dr. Lawrence Crosby got 1.25M USD for the police arresting him for the theft of his own car based on an anonymous tip, which is about as much "probable cause" as this case.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

But the police raided the right house. They had all the evidence they needed for a warrant. You have this all backwards.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

"All of the evidence they needed" was a big pile of absolutely nothing and nobody. They didn't even have a suspect or they would have known nobody who matched the description lived in that house and they don't even know about OP at all or they would have gone to find where he lived.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 0 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

All the evidence you would need for a search warrant is someone openly saying they are manufacturing and actively seeking buyers. The suspect uploaded a picture of himself!

I have no idea what you think the bar for a search warrant is, but it is easily met. It's a search warrant. It's not a criminal conviction. It's just a search warrant. You seem to think a search warrant is some hugely elaborate thing that takes a smoking gun to get, and it's not.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Someone who exists maybe. If you get a warrant for a mysterious figure after providing a random IP Address, pictures of a school, and a stock photo, then you use that warrant to RAID the home of two unrelated older adults, guess what? Your ass is getting sued into the fucking ground, mate.

I don't get what you're not understanding here. This hypothetical might be silly, but the results would be obvious.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world -1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Are you serious? He literally exists and literally uploaded a photo of himself. He literally said he's making drugs. And he was literally soliciting buyers. A "RAID", you make it sound like a SWAT team descended and a tactical vehicle broke down the walls lol. It will be a few officers knocking on the door, presenting the search warrant and quickly going inside.

Sued? Dude you get a search warrant from judge (the criteria of which are easily met), which means the search is legal. There was no excessive force mentioned. Tearing up the house is a common phrase to mean they are looking through everything and moving things around to look. Lol no one is getting sued because everything was legal.

Sorry but this is comical that you think everyone is getting sued. Sorry but you have no idea what you're talking about. Well I guess this is lemmy and it's all ACAB and now all cops are sued all the time or something lol. I can't explain it any better so I guess I'm out.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

If they had any fucking clue who that person was they would have gotten a warrant to raid his home. They used the IP address as evidence, they have no idea who OP is.

A brief lawsuit that will only exist if you are wealthy or can find contingency representation.

[–] empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 105 points 1 week ago (3 children)

"Hmm yes let me talk about a very illegal schedule I on an app that has access to my exact device location 24/7"

Most intelligent greentexter

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Desoxyn is schedule II though. Still shouldn’t talk about manufacturing schedule II drugs illegally.

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 61 points 1 week ago (4 children)

To be fair. Joking about committing a crime is not illegal.

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 36 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Pretty sure it doesn’t have to be illegal for the cops to turn your life inside out.

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Absolutely, but i would call that the problematic behavior rather than the student committing a edgy joke.

[–] Arbiter@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, it seems like reasonable enough suspicion for a search warrant.

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

A wellfare check by a social worker maybe. Can be at school if they fear the home to be dangerous.

Combined with some extra patrol in the street because they HAVE to take things seriously.

The potential damage such a raid can do (shoot your pet, ptsd) cannot be worth such reckless behavior.

On a side note, i actually expect this post is fake.

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[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Or your lungs.

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

And the signs at aiports saying joking about bombs is illegal ? I can ignore them and crack on with my comedy bomb routine ?

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

In that context the specific act of joking is a crime because it can cause huge panic to happen.

I would expand by saying that a joke about a realistic and immediate threat is not a joke at all and requires serious response to guarantee the safety of others.

A student advertising ok social media that they are looking for volunteers in a meth schoolproject is not a direct threat to others. Neither is it a believable scenario.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

yup, you can never "boy who cried wolf" yourself about possible and realistic emergency situations. Sure it sounds like a joke - but it either:

is, nobody does anything, and nothing happens

is, gets taken seriously, and some time and resources are wasted

or

isn't, gets taken seriously, and a disaster is avoided

isn't, nobody does anything, and people end up dead or injured

a small waste of time and resources is always a better outcome than possible death and injury

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

there's a difference, one is causing fear and panic.

Same as running into a movie theater and screaming fire.

[–] rooroo@feddit.org 8 points 1 week ago

Very much depending on where you are. Pretending to commit or to have committed a felony (idk the minutiae of translations; Straftat in German) is one in itself over here. Fake it and instantly make it, yay!

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It is probable cause though.

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[–] x00z@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is why I first spoof my location to your house.

Might as well spoof it to the police station.

[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 78 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I really thought anon had a plan here

[–] psmgx@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I mean having a lot of rock will get you laid, but not with tinder hotties

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

If your standards are low enough, even a bump could get you laid. You'll definitely get a variety of STDs though, and maybe get robbed as well.

[–] hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 69 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, everyone wants some drugs. The girls, the police, ...

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"The pd reportedly found 39 lbs of drugs at the premises, which took several trips to transport as the 35 lbs were found to be very volitile. So volitile, in fact, that by the time it had reached the locker, the 20lbs had decayed into 5lbs through natural breakdown. The department is looking to press charges for the 1lb they found, but it is unlikely that the defendants will see any prison time as a gram is not normally considered a serious crime."

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

No one talks about the half-life of drugs, shame

[–] Sonotsugipaa@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 days ago

This is truly the dark souls of drugs

[–] TheKMAP@lemmynsfw.com 41 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"idea to get laid"

"can't follow up, settle for chatting"

[–] LostXOR@fedia.io 9 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Maybe Anon is so lonely that just chatting with women is all he needs.

[–] Vilian@lemmy.ca 6 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

that's pretty much what half(or more) of people who wants to get laid really need

[–] don@lemm.ee 30 points 1 week ago

Anon always thinking behind

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