this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2025
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[–] GeriatricGambino@lemmy.world 337 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (15 children)

When I was fairly younger, I was in a relationship with a woman who told me that if she were to learn that I had sex with a man, especially bottoming but also topping (she didn't use those terms, she used bad terms), then she would feel disgusted and betrayed and would never feel attracted to me again or see me as a man again.

I said to her that I was disappointed in her, that she had internalised homophobia and that she was a massive hypocrite. Her self proclaimed best male friend presented to the world as flamingly gay, and she was openly bi herself, not as in "I would totally fuck women cause I like the idea of it", bus as in she had fucked women before and would do it again. Apparently she deserves to be fucked by a real man, which apparently bi men are not.

So...yeah, you can be a loudly proclaimed ally AND a member of the LGBTQ community yourself, and still be a disgusting homophobe right alongside the best of bigots.

[–] hushable@lemmy.world 150 points 4 days ago (10 children)

I have a similar story to share.

When I was in my early 20s I briefly dated a girl who told me she was having feelings for another woman and was being curious, she eventually broke up with me in order to be with her, but we remained good friends after that.

Eventually she came out as a lesbian and when I told her that I was bi she immediately ended our friendship all even yelled some slurs at me.

AFAIK she's married with a guy and has kids now

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 64 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Wow, that's some intense double standards there.

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 35 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There is a weird bias against bisexual men in media. Someone I knew even once said she didn't believe bisexual men existed, all men are either straight or gay. For me self identification is important. If someone tells me they're straight but I believe they're bisexual, I'm going to call them straight.

[–] turtlesareneat@discuss.online 15 points 3 days ago

Oh I've heard the "bisexual men don't exist" thing a million times, often from gay men.

I like to shut the conversation down by waving around the statistic that for every gay man, there are 3 bisexual men.

[–] Auth@lemmy.world 58 points 3 days ago (4 children)

I've seen so many cases of staunch progressive groups weaponize a guys sexuality as soon as they have a falling out with him. Its like these people never believed what they were saying. People are so spineless and have no morals.

[–] ssfckdt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 3 days ago (3 children)

In my older age I've come to the realization that a lot of people join movements just to belong, not because they actually hold the conviction. I think in fact there are people who aren't capable of even having a conviction, just bouncing between whatever expressive habits are most convenient socially

You see it with things like politics and religion too

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[–] dermanus@lemmy.ca 41 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My favourite is the ones who scream about slut shaming then use "virgin" as an insult.

Although that seems to have fallen out of fashion lately.

That specific insult I mean, not hypocrisy.

[–] damnedfurry@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago (10 children)

It's not out of fashion at all, "virgin" just became "incel". The intent is identical.

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[–] buttnugget@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago (3 children)

People always say stuff to me like, “You definitely live with your parents”. That one is super common. Like, who cares? It’s weird for me personally because I moved out over 20 years ago, but nothing wrong if I did live with my folks. It’s a world as hard as stone out there.

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[–] drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 51 points 3 days ago (5 children)

People like this are the progressive version of evangelicals. And like with Christianity they don't get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.

Villainizing male sexuality is why we have a whole new generation boys heading into alt right circles and so far the response has been a variant of telling them to 'man up.' And its going to get a lot worse before it gets even a little better.

[–] krunklom@lemmy.zip 32 points 3 days ago (7 children)

This is the root of the problem with much of the discussion around male identity online.

Women finally, and rightfully, gained a voice, and plenty of dudes listened. Many of them, not really understanding feminism as an academic discipline or having any real sympathy towards any aspect of being a man, used that voice to point of the many issues faced by women in the world and to fight for women.

Where this falls apart is that because of the lack of real understanding regarding feminism and the concept of patriarchy, a lot of it boiled down to "shut up, the women are talking" and "we don't care about your problems"

None of this makes the problems away, none of this is really geared towards equality, and much of it is just switching the genders on deeply toxic patriarchal power structures that were used to oppress women for centuries.

When you think about how stupid 90% of the people involved on both sides of this discourse online are, it's of little surprise so many women went looking for easy answers from hucksters who pitched exploitation and oppression as empowerment.

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[–] Ileftreddit@lemmy.world 27 points 3 days ago (6 children)

I am a straight white man and I can’t even weigh in on this issue because if I defend the bi ppl ill get a stigma attached to me

[–] JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca 28 points 3 days ago

You can also be brave and not give a fuck how anybody that would think less of you for being compassionate might stigmatize you. But this is the internet and I have no context.

[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 10 points 3 days ago

If just second-hand stigma is enough for you to change your behavior, imagine how much worse it is for someone who is actually bi

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

The people attaching stigmas to you aren't worth worrying about.

Speaking from the perspective of a straight white guy who was heavily involved in the GSA at school.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 3 days ago

if I defend the bi ppl ill get a stigma attached to me

By whom?

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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 84 points 4 days ago (6 children)
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[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 60 points 4 days ago (1 children)

The funniest part about this to me is that the AIDs epidemic actually forced medical researchers to accept that sometimes guys have sex with other guys, and they even created the term "Men who have Sex with Men" or MSM to cover this fact, since they aren't necessarily gay or bi.

Like, society needs to get over this. Sometimes people have sex with other people. Sometimes they happen to be different genders, sometimes they're the same. It only means whatever it means to the people fucking and little else

[–] IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 29 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Did they say no homo first?

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 153 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Fucking a twink is the manliness thing a man can do and if anyone wants to disagree with that I’ll fuck you too and I’m straight as fuck.

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 54 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Twinks are feminine, so fucking a twink is also feminine and that's gay. The manliest thing you can do is fuck the manliest guy you can find.

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[–] stringere@sh.itjust.works 46 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I wouldn't consider a woman that drops a guy for this reason to be a progressive.

[–] nectar45@lemmy.zip 34 points 3 days ago (6 children)

You would be suprised by how much of the left hates bisexuals, without realizing that makes them as bad as any other bigot

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 24 points 3 days ago (4 children)

I've had these conversations with people before. I was telling a fellow man how I don't care if my partner is bi. He said something like "woah man, there can be some major trust issues there" implying that her "homosexual needs" will lead her to cheat on me with my sister or something. I didn't follow his logic.

[–] korazail@lemmy.myserv.one 21 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I'm a straight male. My wife is bi. The most important part of her orientation, to me, is that it means everyone else was my competition for her love instead of just other men, but I still won.

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[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 12 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (5 children)

Some of the weirdest shit I have seen in the LGBT sphere is how comfortable some of them are with dictating who is allowed to date whom and whether or not their preferences are okay.

It's the main reason I don't really vibe with the LGBT community. Don't mind gays and trans and whatever else is out there. Normal people living their normal lives and loving the people they love and finding ways to be comfortable in their own bodies is how things should be.

But the LGBT sometimes reminds me of organized religion. It's not the individual believer who lives his or her life in peace who is the problem, but the weird cultlike behavior going on in the group where everybody has to hold the same opinions that tend to become progressively more extreme over time until the church controls every aspect of your life. Including whom your are allowed to love.

But it is difficult to bring this up without immediately being labeled a phob because the LGBT owns non-straight sexuality and if you criticize the movement, you criticize all the non straight people.

BLM has similar vibes.

I just don't like groups. Churches, political groups, grassroots movements, you name it. It all ends up the same in the end. With group pressure, control, shaming and ostracizing when you don't toe the line.

If I learned anything in my 20s, its that being a part of any ideological groups is not in your best interest. No matter how good and safe it feels in the beginning.

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[–] JasSmith@sh.itjust.works 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You wouldn't believe how many progressive women only date stereotypically conservative men. Here is a metanalysis of five studies showing how women in general prefer men who espouse and act out "benevolent sexism." This is the age old problem for men: women say they want one thing, but date something completely different.

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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 64 points 4 days ago (31 children)

I'm just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as "you did it once so you're $thing forever" that guys go through.

It's probably one of the most notable though.

As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we're expected to deal with it "like a man"... Whatever the fuck that means.

Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.

There's so much more. I don't have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let's not forget our non-binary family.

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[–] Eiri@lemmy.ca 85 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Initial reaction: there's no way that's real

After reading the comments: what the fuck

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[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 42 points 3 days ago

Anon wants that BUSSY without social stigmas. Based and gay.

[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 24 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

i do wild shit to make the girls im dating lose attraction for me all the time. burping really loud constantly, saying the word "COCKS" when i sneeze, crying about wall-e, shitting with the door open. who cares?

[–] ipitco@lemmybefree.net 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)
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[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 81 points 4 days ago (9 children)

I’m in my mid thirties, and I’m a bi woman who tends to go for bi men. I was once chatting about one of my exes with my dad and same aged stepsister, when she expressed deep surprise that I would be willing to date a man who had dated a man. My dad agreed, which is par for the course, but I could not for the life of me get a believable answer from my stepsister as to why that would be a dealbreaker.

She had been part of the GSA in one of the most progressive towns in America and was at that time in first cohort of women to join a previously men-only fraternity at her college, so she definitely falls under the progressive umbrella.

I literally can’t think of a reason except for donating blood, but that wasn’t it.

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[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Jim Jeffries talked about this topic in his new Netflix special that came out last week.

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[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Fun fact: back in Roman times, it was manly to fuck a twink. Being fucked by another man made you a woman (in their eyes, women were inferior in every aspect). I suppose something similar happened in Greece for a good while

[–] CoffeeJunkie@lemmy.cafe 9 points 3 days ago

It was normal for men to take teenage boys, teach them up, and also use them for sexual gratification. Everyone was okay with it, but with 1 big stipulation: you get off by sliding your penis between the thighs to climax, and do not penetrate the young boy anally. That was considered "crossing the line" & perverting him as a man.

I think this was common Greek practice, not Roman.

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 33 points 4 days ago (27 children)

There's a streamer who I use to follow. Use to because she slowly went alt right. Anyway, one of her hangups with partners was refusing to date any man she suspected of being bi because she didn't want a penis that was up an ass in her. She also believes that most men are bisexual. She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.

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[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 81 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (9 children)

good news, those red flags are getting out of your way.

better them gone than polluting your potential partner pool.

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[–] VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 49 points 4 days ago (1 children)

My current girlfriend is cool with it, but she's absolutely fantastic about pretty much everything.

One of my exs on the other hand was a bit more aggressive and weird about it. She had a lot of toxic masculinity beliefs going on.

The real issue I have is that a lot of them think its hot, along with some of the other things I may have been into at one point. It's a bit of a struggle to explain that I'm not asking for more, I'm just being transparent to avoid a potential bombshell being dropped in the future. I don't have the energy for a polycule, to bother with a third, or anything in the lifestyle anymore.

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[–] lonefighter@sh.itjust.works 56 points 4 days ago (4 children)

I'm a woman who is straight AF, not a bicurious-bone in my body that I've discovered yet, and I'm having a casual fling with a bisexual dude. It doesn't bother me at all, he's hot as fuck, sweet as hell, we have a good time together, and I have better things to do with my life than sit around and brood about the gender of his previous partners.

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