this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2025
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[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 64 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I'm just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as "you did it once so you're $thing forever" that guys go through.

It's probably one of the most notable though.

As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we're expected to deal with it "like a man"... Whatever the fuck that means.

Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.

There's so much more. I don't have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let's not forget our non-binary family.

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 24 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I've had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 15 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

I've had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.

Can absolutely confirm this, myself, on a personal level.

Never let them see you genuinely vulnerable unless you want to drive them away, or want that to be weaponized against you at some point in the future. Sometimes even both, but never neither.

Only ever provide curated vulnerabilities that offer of themselves no true vulnerability, but satisfies any desire they may have to see vulnerability in you. Like being distressed at the sight of an unknown dead dog on the side of the road, for example. Clean, simple, controllable, and superficial.

Violate this tenet at your own psychological risk.

[–] HK65@sopuli.xyz 9 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I'll be honest, I can't imagine not being able to cry in front of my partner. It sounds depressive.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

It sounds depressive.

It’s how “toxic masculinity” is forced upon men against their will.

Do we want to be sensitive and vulnerable? Sure!
Do we want partners that can accept that sensitivity and vulnerability? Of course!!

But when the vast majority of women do not do as they say, or say as they do, the calculus becomes massively brutal and clear-cut: either cram that shit down to where it will never see the light of day, or see it emotionally/sexually revolt our partner and possibly even make them leave.

[–] HK65@sopuli.xyz 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

TBH I think "toxic masculinity" is a shitty term for the concept. It feels like calling forced female gender roles "toxic femininity".

[–] JasSmith@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago

Yes! It's intentionally used to invoke blame. Foremost by implying that some list of bad behaviours is only or primarily displayed by men, and secondly by implying that it is the fault of men (often read as all men) when they exhibit these behaviours. I would much rather we just call it toxic behaviour. Both sexes are capable of violence, jealousy, etc. "Toxic masculinity" merely ensures half of the people one is speaking to switch off and might even take the opposite side of the discussion because it's really offensive.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 days ago

It sounds depressing because it is.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This is the way of things.

I'm not saying it's right, just, or how it should be, but in my experience, yes, this.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I'm not saying it's right, just, or how it should be,

What makes it infinitely more worse is that almost all women fully and absolutely deny this happens, even when behaving exactly like this.

It’s why such near-ubiquitous behaviour - and women’s hypocritical denial of its existence - is widely documented within both redpill and blackpill writings, and is one of the core reasonings behind MGTOW.

Such overwhelmingly predictable behaviours are what make those philosophies so devastatingly effective and compelling long before anything even mildly misogynistic crops up… after all, facts and evidence that survive tests of disproof speak volumes. These philosophies would have no reason to exist if behaviours and double standards like this weren’t everywhere, and all it takes for a man to see them properly is for their societal brainwashing to be disrupted.

[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I’ve discovered that emotional availability means you’re available to mirror her emotions. If she’s mad, you better get mad. If she’s sad, you better get sad.

[–] JasSmith@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago

Yes! We need a translator because what many of them say is not what they actually mean. I kept being told I was emotionally unavailable. So I started opening up more, which killed the attraction pretty quickly. What they meant was that they wanted me to listen to them and react in a way which implied I felt their feelings. Most women definitely DO NOT want a man who is in touch with his emotions or is "emotionally available." They want to feel emotionally validated.

[–] Electric_Druid@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

Conversation about this can be helpful with the right person. I felt rather one sided in the emotional validation in my relationship. We had a long emotional talk about it and things are better now.

[–] HK65@sopuli.xyz 6 points 3 days ago

Those women need to grow up.

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 1 points 3 days ago

The Reprieve community is a good place for guys to vent.