this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] thorhop@sopuli.xyz 3 points 23 minutes ago

I bet he's gonna teleport away some funds.

[–] TheBannedLemming@lemmy.world 5 points 1 hour ago

Anyone who was a party animal worth their reputation during their early twenties eventually ends up past midnight at a greasy spoon. Chowing down on comfort food trying to sober up and keep the contents of their stomach down. With them waking up in the morning hungover and little to no memory about what transpired over the course of the last twelve hours, give or take.

[–] niptuckmyballs@lemmychan.org 2 points 54 minutes ago* (last edited 53 minutes ago)

I find Ambien gives me the same abilities he's describing.

Unfortunately the effects are only temporary.

I haven't figured out how to teleport without Ambien, yet.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

I was with my boys one time, and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House

this was in Georgia

Being in Georgia, I mean.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 48 points 4 hours ago

Yes, Gregg, we all know what blacking out is like.

I know some people that can help you with this.

https://smartrecovery.org/

[–] voidsignal@lemmy.world 35 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

How can you pack so many high level idiots in a single country? truly a feat.

[–] garth@sh.itjust.works 11 points 3 hours ago

Well you see, half the voters decided it would be a good idea to elect total outsiders with no relevant education or experience, whose only qualification was a willingness to say crazy shit out loud. The unqualified outsider-in-chief has now packed high-level offices with his favorite TV and podcast personalities, who also have no relevant education or experience but have made a living saying crazy shit out loud.

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 12 points 4 hours ago

It's easy when you kick out all the smart ones, or render their fields of study obsolete by ceasing to pay for their research, forcing them overseas.

[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 hours ago

Nothing is too stupid for 2026!

[–] balthazarsnakewizard@lemmy.world 9 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Where does that land on the Waffle House Index?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 hours ago

Bout three fiddy

[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago (3 children)

I almost feel sorry for these sane USians who have to live there during Trump reign 🤣

[–] Kintarian@lemmy.world 5 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

There’s a reason I live in a van out in the boonies

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

Please tell me that there's a river nearby

[–] Kintarian@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Mostly the Sacramento River

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Yes! I hereby declare you the second coming of Matt Foley!

[–] Kintarian@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Wow, thanks, that’s quite the honor. I hope I can live up to his legacy.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

*down by the river

[–] MintyFresh@lemmy.world 4 points 3 hours ago

We prefer the term- Trumpistanians. Thank you very much

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

Ugh, they probably use digital clocks, too

[–] RaoulDook@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

Next we'll have the ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage running a government agency