this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2025
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But it's water
You're not thinking like a lawyer.
"Your honor, the defendant viciously and recklessly launched a dangerous substance - known to scientists as 'dihydrogen monoxide' - at my client. This chemical compound is commonly used in industrial cleaning operations and as a coolant in nuclear reactors. We seek damages up to $10,000,000,000 for pain and suffering."
It doesn't even have what plants crave your honor!!!
Have you considered she's maybe a ground type
Or, Arceus forbid, a Charmander. If that tail flame goes out it dies!
People who have been sprayed with dihydrogen monoxide have a 100% rate of dying.
Can't be too careful with that dihydrogen monoxide, 100% of people that drink it eventually die
The more that someone drinks it, the higher their likelihood of dying.
It's worse than that too. People become addicted to it and withdrawals will kill them in a matter of days.
It's the primary component in acid rain! In its gaseous form, it can cause severe burns from only brief contact! And would you believe that autopsies reveal this dangerous compound in the bodies of almost all deceased people? It should be outlawed!
Water, where the sharks and kraken live? That water? Seems pretty dangerous to me!!!
Water? Eugh. Never touch the stuff. Fish fuck in it.
The other comments are joking, but I bet a "serious" (legally, not realistically) that the defendant didn't know if it was safe or not. Maybe the water had some dangerous chemicals in it? We all know that the argument would be bullshit, but I would bet that's what they'd say. Or a potential alternative would be that the intent was to have her fall and get hurt, or something like that.
But it was from a hose. From the account it sounds like he asked her to move, she didn't, so he sprayed her a bit.
Even in her own admission she says she thinks it was intentional, which means that it could have also been accidental.
The correct response to a neighbor spraying you with a hose is to go inside and wipe off, not file a police report.
I'm not talking about the "correct" response. I said it wouldn't be a reasonable argument. I was talking about the argument that will be made in court. It'll be bullshit, but I bet it'll be something along the lines I said above.
Think about the reaction you can get spraying people with water. They’ll cry out, close their eyes, shield their faces and run away.
I don’t know if you can call it “battery” which is often what people mistakenly expect from a definition of assault. It’s assault if you run up to someone with your fist pulled back like you’re going to punch them. It’s battery when you punch them.