this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 143 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Classmate in 7th grade while warming up for gym class stretched easily that way. One kid made the offhand comment "Hey, you can suck your own dick!" and flexible kid immediately yelled "SHUT UP!". Which told us all he'd done it.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 55 points 1 year ago (2 children)

For the curious, I did know someone who said they could do it. We didn't have long conversations about it or anything but he said all you need to know.

"It's more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked."

[–] VeganCheesecake@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds like a win win. Maybe I should work on getting more flexible.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Hey, aim for the moon, if you miss you still hit the stars! Or something.

Just please, please take it slow and stretch a LOT and don't force it, you can seriously maim your back if you force it. There's probably some yoga exercises you can look up online.

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Makes perfect sense! Like doing 69. Mouth grabs attention over genitals.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If I could suck my own dick, I wouldn't ever leave the house.

[–] And009@reddthat.com 4 points 1 year ago

Pairs well with a choking fetish

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 13 points 1 year ago

I'm not jealous. You are!

[–] nieceandtows@lemmy.world 83 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Anon messed up not removing a couple of ribs beforehand

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

He removed the ribs so he could eat them.

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean, it's all relative to the size of your steeple

[–] joelfromaus@aussie.zone 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So you’re saying I’d need to remove 4-5 ribs?

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

You sound like you can't smell your own shit on your knees

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (15 children)

I can't believe this old hoax is still being circulated. This goes back pre-internet as one of the first viral memes.

[–] mysteryname101@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Shhh. It reveals our age.

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[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago
[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 year ago (10 children)

Is that something other men want to do? Even my dog had no interest in it and he was easily flexible enough.

[–] basmati@lemmus.org 112 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You shouldn't get your dog to suck your dick, no matter how flexible the dog is.

Yeah, they can't make a vacuum due to their mouth shape, so it's just going to be sloppy with a large risk of puncture. Totally not worth it.

[–] Hydra_Fk@reddthat.com 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

They say it's more like sucking a dick vs getting a bj apparently.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 14 points 1 year ago

Sounds like a win-win in my book.

[–] Speculater@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 year ago

Yes. I know peeps and it’s apparently awesome.

[–] rovingnothing29@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I mean I heard a kid broke his neck trying back in the late 90s

[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Did you remove your dog’s balls though? That might have an effect.

I wasn't the one who did it, and it didn't keep him from licking other dogs...

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[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Suckin that dick at an egregerious angle

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago

I cackled laughed in a Walmart just now. Can't explain that one lol

[–] Sendpicsofsandwiches@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This shit ain't nothing to me man

[–] EnderMB@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Pfft, sucking your own dick is amateur. Real men toss their own salad.

Sounds like a qualification for Cirque du Soleil.

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 year ago

Back, not neck.

... I'm told.

[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

Wanna be hip? Gotta suck your own dick.

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Dude probably thought he was a h0rs3 character.

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