this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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Anon learns to love the bath bomb (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 10 months ago by Gullible@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
158 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

drop your childhood stories:
>be me, age 12
>hate showering more than anything
>it feels gross and i hate getting wet
>my mom starts telling me that if i don't shower every day then i can't eat dinner
>i want my dindin so i come up with a genius plan
>let the shower run for 10-15 minutes while i sit in the bathroom
>quickly wet my hair with sink
>mom buys it, i get dindin
>after a month she gets suspicious
>realize i have to step up my game
>now i run the shower and rub my arms/neck with hand soap
>also run my hair under the shower so it's dripping wet and not just moist
>she asks why i haven't asked her to buy shampoo yet
>come up with final version of my genius plan
>i'll stand next to the shower, let the water run, rub soap on my whole body and also use shampoo on my hair so it smells like shampoo
>then i'll rinse off in the sink
>all while the shower runs

i did this for four years until i realized i was just showering on hard mode

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[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 251 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Kids are great. Mine spend 5-10 minutes refusing to do a two minute task.

Kind of like how I spend three or four days avoiding a ten minute phone call.

[–] AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 80 points 10 months ago (5 children)

I am currently on month 6 of not calling the dentist about a painful tooth

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 60 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Not the flex you think it is lol

Seriously, get your teeth fixed. It’s such a huge impact on your quality of life, especially later in life when that damage really starts to affect your eating habits or self confidence

[–] Duranie@literature.cafe 70 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I wouldn't call it a flex. But sometimes openly admitting something even to strangers on the Internet can offer some ownership of the situation and start someone headed the right direction.

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 14 points 10 months ago

Yeah I was mostly joking. With a bit of good advice sprinkled on top

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not to mention, you could literally fucking die from a tooth infection if left untreated.

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[–] 7u5k3n@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Broke a tooth on a pizza crust once.. 5 years later it abscessed and I had to have emergency surgery to have it removed.

Fun times :/

[–] Holyhandgrenade@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (3 children)

If you broke your tooth on a pizza crust, there was definitely something wrong with that pizza!

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[–] qevlarr@lemmy.world 35 points 10 months ago (4 children)

"dinner is ready in two minutes"

Two minutes later, dinner ready

"but I just started a new game!"

🙄

[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 20 points 10 months ago

Don't accept that lol

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[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 124 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

This is a right of passage. Growing up there are times when you find out that the easy way to go about doing something is the way your parents were trying to pound into your head all along

[–] stevestevesteve@lemmy.world 72 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Rite* of passage

[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 25 points 10 months ago

Thank you

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Write-off passage

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[–] Baines@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago (2 children)

some of ye all were just highly regarded

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[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 102 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

If this isnt fake op may actually be on the spectrum. Washing yourself with the sink Is also called a catwash.

been plenty of times i ve been way to overtimulated to handle a full shower its much more manageable to wash and dry hair and body parts separately one by one.

Op learned what many autistic people do. Inventing an alternative method while masking it into the socially acceptable method.

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 82 points 10 months ago (5 children)

It's also called a whore bath. He might just be a whore.

[–] frosty99c@midwest.social 86 points 10 months ago (1 children)

A friend of mine is a non-native English speaker. He teaches at an elementary school and works with 'English as a second language' students. He casually mentioned that he always tells his students to take a 'horse bath' in the bathroom sink after recess if needed. He was traumatized when I told him that he'd misheard that phrase for his entire adult life.

[–] Jerkface@lemmy.world 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That story's as spicy as whore's radish!

[–] massive_bereavement@kbin.social 14 points 10 months ago

Well, he shouldn't look a gift whore's mouth.

[–] massive_bereavement@kbin.social 26 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm a whore expert and concur with this diagnosis.

[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Dad? When are you coming home?

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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 21 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Reminds me of a snippet of conversation I overheard at the grocery. Kid’s talking to their mom and yells “child prostitution, ever heard of it?” She was pissed.

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[–] guyrocket@kbin.social 68 points 10 months ago (42 children)

That's pretty retarded.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 11 points 10 months ago

How I feel reading 90% of the stories how anons go through their days.

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[–] Feirdro@lemmy.world 58 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I’m constantly amazed at the variety of possible human sensory differences.

My problem is not spending the whole day in the shower.

[–] jesterkun@midwest.social 28 points 10 months ago (7 children)

The white noise aspect of the shower is amazing. Have you ever turned off the lights and just stood under the water in the dark? It's pretty great, in my opinion.

[–] verysoft@kbin.social 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Then you turn the lights back on and the water is thicker and red.

[–] Nepenthe@kbin.social 22 points 10 months ago (1 children)

But on the bright side: not pregnant! 🎉

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[–] PatFussy@lemm.ee 47 points 10 months ago (2 children)

are you guys that bitch made that saying retarded on a 4chan sub is crossed out

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 45 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Yeah ngl as someone who grew up being called retarded for being autistic I really hate how this word has become a slur.

Like every time people create a word for a specific type of person it becomes a slur. At some point people need to just get the fuck over it.

[–] LwL@lemmy.world 27 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I also just don't get the point of censoring. I don't have any particular feelings about the word retarded, but I'm also autistic. Do I get annoyed when people use autistic as an insult (i hope it never reaches actual slur status because I'll never accept it as such), esp for stuff that has nothing to do with ASD symptoms at all? Sure. Does it make it better if someone crosses it out in a screenshot, or censors it in a quote? Lolno.

[–] smeg@feddit.uk 14 points 10 months ago

Censoring is stupid and people self-censoring just makes me think the user is a child who's scared of being caught saying the naughty words or is just copying what TV does as if they also have to adhere to broadcasting regulations.

A lot of people online don't seem to understand the difference between referencing a word and invoking it. For example, we're in a 4chan community, you should really expect there to be very offensive language in the posts themselves, but we're adults here and we can look at the word "retarded" without thinking that it's OK to use as a slur ourselves.

[–] Anamnesis@lemmy.world 17 points 10 months ago (10 children)

It was a slur the entire time millennials were growing up. It hasn't not been a slur since...the 70s?

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[–] bugs@lemmy.world 43 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Are we ignoring the fact they did this until they were 16? I mean like, if this ended when they were 12 that'd be pretty par for the course kid idiocy. But 16? Damn dude.

[–] Droechai@lemm.ee 18 points 10 months ago

The person might be autistic, the sensory issue of shower but being fine with sink rinse sounds a bit similar to my own sensory problems and in that case the age range wouldn't be that off. At least the parent got the kid to clean itself so hopefully it worked enough to be hygienic

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 16 points 10 months ago

4chan

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[–] Brandonb0013@lemmy.world 37 points 10 months ago

I was 75% that... I was just dumb and my parents heard the sink running at the same time and opened the door and confronted me lol.

[–] leftzero@lemmy.ml 32 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Had to do x km/day on the static bike, because fat.

Got no time for that.

Old static bike, with mechanical revolution counter.

Unscrew spinning cable that feeds from the bike into the counter.

MacGyver Lego contraption, with motor, with a pointy bit that fits where the cable would go.

Motor goes brrr, do required km in seconds, plug cable back in, rinse and repeat;, parents never find out (I "exercised" while they were working).

Still fat. 😞

[–] RoyaltyInTraining@lemmy.world 13 points 10 months ago

Stationary bikes suck, riding on a real one is way more fun. I don't blame anyone for hating that

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[–] dangblingus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Also, anon is autistic.

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[–] thorbot@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Anything that starts with "be me" is pretty much universally idiotic, so this is no surprise.

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