this post was submitted on 05 Dec 2023
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[–] satans_crackpipe@lemmy.world 140 points 11 months ago (3 children)

If ya gotta jump through these hilarious hoops to not feel bad about fucking, can we at least optimize?

Can't you just soak and un-soak repeatedly? Is there a skill cool down that has to be respected to not make sky grandpa mad?

[–] 1847953620@lemmy.world 22 points 11 months ago (2 children)

sky gramps is into all of this already

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[–] radioactiveradio@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

Even with a cooldown, there's two people. Can at least hit a combo.

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[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 123 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Not to kink shame but is this some sort of cuckold thing I'm too asexual to understand?

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[–] MTK@lemmy.world 100 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (3 children)

Religion: God is all knowing, all seeing and wise.

Also religion: If you ask your friend to move you inside a vagina, god won't know you're fucking!

[–] Suspicious@lemmy.wtf 14 points 11 months ago (1 children)

God knows but you technically didn't break the rule

[–] Aaron@lemmy.nz 12 points 11 months ago

Some real "I tied a string to my friend's house so it's technically one house and I didn't travel there on the Sabbath" energy

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Where are these friends that would "move you inside a vagina god"?! 😱🔥❤️

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[–] Selmafudd@lemmy.world 96 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Sounds like a threesome with extra steps

[–] killeronthecorner@lemmy.world 75 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The lord is watching you sinners! (He didnt say stop)

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[–] Nahodyashka@lemmy.world 85 points 11 months ago (1 children)

As my Mormon friend said, God is like a T Rex, it can't see you if you don't move

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[–] The_Vampire@lemmy.world 70 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Actual Ex-Mormon who attended BYU here: Soaking was never a thing, I have only ever heard about it on the internet or literally in the context of Mormons laughing about non-Mormons believing in Mormons doing such things (yeah, they're meta about it).

What is an actual thing is Mormons getting married super early (for a multitude of reasons, one being the horny). Easily over 70% of the students I knew were married by the time they were seniors in college.

[–] ExLisper@linux.community 52 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Sorry to break it to you but I also attented BYU and soaking was totally a thing, we just never invited you.

[–] Hagarashi8@sh.itjust.works 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Someone, call the police! This was an absolute murder!

[–] Beetschnapps@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

It’s funny cause there are no real winners in all this.

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[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 9 points 11 months ago

I can't confirm or deny your claims about soaking, because I never went to BYU.

However, I did live in a smallish town in Utah for a year, and I can confirm I saw more married and pregnant 18 year old teens in that one year than I've seen in the entire rest of my life.

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[–] 30p87@feddit.de 58 points 11 months ago (1 children)

What religion does to people.

[–] Xyre@lemmus.org 62 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Somehow god is all-knowing, but forgot to consider the loopholes.

[–] Maven@lemmy.sdf.org 73 points 11 months ago (15 children)

To be fair, that's pretty close to describing the Jewish faith. One fundamental tenet is that God put loopholes there on purpose, and it's the rabbis' duty to debate legalistically to extrapolate what he meant based on what he said. That's why they're called laws. (I was raised jewish, for the record)

One common one that most people have heard of by now since they went viral on youtube a couple years back, is eruvim. Since there's a bunch of rules around how much effort you're allowed to exert on the sabbath (e.g. you're not allowed to move anything from inside your house to outside, or to carry anything heavy more than about half a meter while outside), people hang a wire, called an eruv (plural eruvim), encircling an area ranging from a small neighbourhood to several city blocks to the entire island of Manhattan, proclaiming it to be one big "home", allowing practicing Jews to do anything they're only allowed to do at home, anywhere inside its area.

Another fun one that has a lot of ramifications is that we're not supposed to "start a fire" on sabbath, and rabbi have traditionally declared that turning something electrical on or off is "starting a fire". Because of this, jewish hospitals have elevators that run constantly between floors so people can just walk on without actually pushing a button and causing a circuit to close. Or lightbulbs; for the longest time, the "solution" was just to leave your lights on all saturday in case you needed them, or maybe spring for electronic timers, or just get your goyim buddy to come over and turn em on for you, but with the modern prevalence of LED bulbs, there's now jewish smart lights called "shabulbs" that have internal shutters which cover the LEDs without actually extingishing them, so you can turn it back "on" again without breaking the rules. Some places even sell ovens with a shabbat mode so they stay slightly warm all day and never turn all the way off, don't show the display screen, and don't turn on their internal lightbulb when you open them after sundown on friday! All this because there's a rule against starting fires.

Maybe I got a bit off topic, but my point is, In some ways you might say that finding loopholes in Abrahamic law is practicing religion lol

[–] 0x4E4F@infosec.pub 22 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

All this because there's a rule against starting fires.

Shit... I though people over here were nuts... thank you for proving me wrong.

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[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

didnt some religion have a concept where since they believe god infallible, any loophole in the rules must therefore be intended, possibly as a reward for the cleverness of finding it? I forget which one that was

[–] Uncle_Bagel@midwest.social 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Pretty common among Jewish scholars.

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[–] gmtom@lemmy.world 42 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Im intrigued. Is there any porn of this?

[–] ikapoz@sh.itjust.works 18 points 11 months ago (3 children)

The answer to that question is always yes.

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[–] chellewalker@lemmy.ca 42 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I attended BYU-I in person for three years. There was a lot of dumb s### that happened there, but I can say with confidence this wasn't one of them. To not be a buzzkill though, I'll share an actual saying that people use around campus: "BYU I do." Because like 80-90% of students there expect to be married by the time they graduate.

[–] RobertoOberto@sh.itjust.works 25 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Thanks for the insight - jump humping and soaking sound like the kind of bullshit my parents would believe because it was featured in some local news story.

Most "teen trends", especially those related to sex, are just wildly blown out of proportion "stories" based on a couple of people trying something weird, someone else hearing about it, and now suddenly all the teens are doing it.

It reminds me of being in high school when my mom asked me if my girlfriend's jelly bracelets were a sex thing because she heard about girls owing sex acts to guys who can break one.

[–] evranch@lemmy.ca 7 points 11 months ago

I never heard of the jelly bracelet thing, but now I'm thinking about how that sort of thing can be way stronger than it looks.

I have some TPU filament that's stretchy enough to feel flimsy, but after I realized I somehow couldn't snap it, it became kind of a strength challenge. The strongest guy I know couldn't snap it, and he bent a 36" pipe wrench once. But then again, there weren't sex acts on the line.

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[–] words_number@programming.dev 41 points 11 months ago

Hahaha sometimes religious people are hilarious

[–] Asudox@lemmy.world 36 points 11 months ago
[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 11 months ago (5 children)

Wait, is this same logic why my fridge has a "Sabbath" setting? 🤦🏼‍♂️

[–] PsychedSy@sh.itjust.works 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I was just thinking it's similar to how Jews try to trick god. At least I'm not the only one.

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[–] autokludge@programming.dev 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

What does that even mean? Does the door open itself on the hour?

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[–] Tsaot@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I'm a Mormon, and this just can't be real. Sexual contact is sexual contact. How would people told to leave enough room for a Bible between them while dancing think that this would be okay?

I'm convinced this rumor exists just because people want it to be true.

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 27 points 11 months ago
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[–] NarrativeBear@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

There is a hilarious mockumentary called "Jury Duty (2023) where there is a scene like this.

Worth a watch, James Marsden is in the show as well.

Edit: Here's a link to the scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaTRKXtfv8Y

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[–] BaronDoggystyleVonWoof@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Reminds me of some Muslim girls that only do anal so they stay a virgin.

[–] pigup@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago

Omg That's disgusting! Where?

[–] RippleEffect@lemm.ee 8 points 11 months ago

It's definitely not just Muslims.

[–] BeefPiano@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago

It’s not actually a real thing. Maybe a couple (throuple?) horny Mormons did it, but its not like standard practice.

[–] LoamImprovement@beehaw.org 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)
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[–] JokeDeity@lemm.ee 14 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Is this real? I know mormans are an extremely insane sect of an already extremely insane way of life, but this just seems like a whole new level.

[–] CompN12@lemmy.frozeninferno.xyz 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Exmo here, I highly doubt it. There are rules against lesser forms of intamacy (petting), also this clearly violates the spirit of the law (of no premerital sex).

I could see it happening but any Mormon worth their salt would raise their eyebrow and deny it. This is on the level of holding a knife in the middle of a street and getting somebody to bump people into you, it's not murder, right?

If you wanna talk crazy let's talk about how you can figure out somebody's secret name if you know the first time they went through temple endowment. Or how bigfoot is technically canon.

[–] Goblin_Mode@ttrpg.network 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

... I would like to hear more about this secret name...

[–] RippleEffect@lemm.ee 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I wanted to hear about Bigfoot being canon

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[–] fuckstick@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

I heard about this on a podcast and thought the host was just messing around

[–] chetradley@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

Jesus be like, "goddammit, they got us on a technicality."

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