Science concludes cocaine does make me more social.
this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2025
149 points (97.5% liked)
Not The Onion
18410 readers
1346 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
*the first few times you do it.
then you're doing it wrong. try adding some alcohol and a little cannabis.
My favourite part of my day is sipping my morning cup, sitting in the back yard and listening to the birds.
I love doing this. I sit in the back yard with my morning coffee and talk to my chickens. I look forward to it every morning.
What do the chickens have to say?
Cluck cluck motherfucker
Motherclucker*
Nice cock!
COFEE
There used to be birds around and i would get nests built under my awning. I used to like hearing them but now, instead, my neighborhood is filled with stray cats and so as you can imagine: no more birds.
We were similar, until the coyotes came back. Now we have lots of birds and lots of missing cat posters.
That's sad. Pet cats really need to be kept indoors where they can't affect the local wildlife and are also safe from their own predators.
~~I just wanted to see the methodology for how the study was done, and I am now wondering how the media came to the conclusion that drinking coffee makes you happier based on the study's conclusion, when it is about cardiovascular mortality rates. The study itself makes no mention of happiness or mood.~~
I clicked into the wrong study. That's why 🤦♂️
No! Science! $$$
Oh well that explains a lot. I never had coffee
It really does. You know what doesn’t make me happy Tariffs
Yeah, but coffee though!
What doesn't make you happy tariffs?
Correct. Especially tariffs on coffee
Not me cause I chug the whole thing piping hot. Really burns up my mouth but what can you do?
Drink iced coffee?
Why do you insist on solving problems instead of just listening?
Wait for it to cool down so you can taste it when you chug the whole thing luke warm.
How many of the participants had IBD or IBS?
I have IBD. It’s the price I pay for coffee.
Don't worry about that. Look over there!
It also keeps me out of jail.
I'm far less likely to slap the shit out of someone once I'm caffeinated.
I think we need to study why coffee drinkers are so violent.
I'm not aware of any correlation between caffeine consumption and violence.
Alcohol is a different story.
You do you, but FUCK that website
I’d rather not fuck an entire website, but if I have to…
unzips pants
