Technology

Yeah, I think saying “toxic masculinity” and moving on like it’s these guys’ fault they’re isolated is a large part of the issue. While I don’t recommend befriending every single lonely guy out there, it won’t kill people to listen or care about others.

Saying it’s “you’re” fault and absolving oneself of fault doesn’t do that. It just pushes someone else into more isolation. That’s how you end up with guys talking to porn bots: because no one will listen to them. That’s how you get incels following Andrew Tate or Nick Fuentes: people called out their “toxic masculinity,” but weren’t willing to help, just protect themselves.

While I get it that boundaries are a good defense against legitimate threats, as someone who was in this demographic, it literally took just one person being nice to me and now I’m not just some “nice guy” on Reddit (Now I’m a piece of shit on Lemmy). Now I’m married and can show incels I meet that there is a path forward where they aren’t lonely and they don’t have to listen to virgin wannabe rapists to learn how to be cool.

I'm too anxious to speak to a therapist but I was using it to comb through literature for my condition, it was so nice to me I cried lol. In the moment it almost feels like a person.

What are your projects?

Toxic masculinity is a cultural mindset. Men should not be talking about their feelings because it's weak and "gay" says society.

That's what I'm going for.

Yeah. I have become painfully aware of this the past few years. People's obessive use of AI and social media has distorted their real life interactions to be far less substantail than they used to be.

Which is why so many people, even who are very social, are so lonely. We have created a society that does not create substantial connections anymore, and obsesses over trivialities, and endless repeats and broadcasts them as fundamental truths.

I have noticed that online, and in IRL, nobody asks each other questions anymore. What they do, is make accusations. And it's miserable and draining to be constantly accused of stuff. I feel like this shift started around 2021.

Back in 2018 I could meet a stranger and they would be like 'oh where are you from? oh cool, what was it like there, I have not been!'

now it's like 'i bet you are from x, oh you're not? well you SEEM LIKE a person from x. oh you are from y? THAT'S WEIRD. I haven't been there but i bet it's weird because you are weird.' Or they try to tell me that I can't be from y, because they KNOW i am from x. It's so bizarre. Increasingly the strangers I meet basically tell me that they know the TRUTH about me... even as I tell them that what they are saying isn't true.

I basically can't have conversations anymore, at least like I used to. I used to be able to sit there for 20-30m and talk about a single book I read to someone, and they'd ask me all about it and I'd ask them about a book they like. Now they just jump down my throat or lecture me and never ask me any questions, and switch to another topic after like a few minutes and say dismissive stuff about how books are outdated and dumb. Or even if they do like to read, they get all bent out of shape that I don't read the same type of stuff as they do.

Same with movies, same with hobbies, same with my job or my family or other stuff that I used to be able to connect with people over. Used to be a nice back and forth, now it'd dodging bullets and if you don't give the 'right' answer they get angry and dismiss you as a bad person.

And on the flip side... AI gives these people what they want. It just parrots back to them what they want to hear about how wonderful and great they are and how everything they do is amazing and valid and their life is so hard.... which is precisely what another human being is NOT going to give you...

Many say this as a joke but back 25 years ago it really did have interesting articles.

Pretty much, yeah. It's like reading fan fiction and assuming that's how real people talk to each other. Similar to watching porn and assuming that's how sex works when in reality sex is clunky and often times gross.

There are people that suffer from isolation, anxiety, depression, trauma or a host of other issues over which they have no control or support structures to address their problems. Of course, these bots aren’t a solution but they are accessible. It’s no wonder why people would use them.

They deserve sympathy not condescension.

The issue arises when you don't have anyone to talk to. Having something to talk, even though it's not a real person, can be enticing to sate the need to communicate with people. The problem is that people that don't have a lot of real life experience in communication fall into the trap of thinking it's better because it's always agreeable and "listens" better than normal people. To me that sounds like someone that has difficulties with oversharing and has poor social skills. What these people should actually be doing in order to feel more satisfied socially is to work on their social skills instead of only talk to chatbots that can't say no. If the types of relationships people have with chatbots were translated into human relationships most people would consider them toxic. And how many people do you know that for some reason seek out and always end up in toxic relationships?

most of modern life isn't genuine. and yes, people don't like it when they encounter it.

they love artifice. they love their biases being confirmed, they love their egos being flattered.