this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 202 points 1 month ago (5 children)

How many dicks do I have to suck to prove I'm not gay!?

[–] Shortstack@reddthat.com 60 points 1 month ago

In my case, at least one

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Like one girl cock I think

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[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago

If you someone tells you that broccoli is gross, but have never tried broccoli, can you trust their opinion?

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago
[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 139 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Fake: anon has a friend

Gay: literally gay

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Fake because Brad didn't get gay with Tim and anon

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 month ago

fake because tim is marrying a girl

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 105 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe 22 points 1 month ago

One of the few anon stories that seems plausible

[–] jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 66 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Is it weird that the most unrelatable thing here for me is that SongeBob existed when anon was in high school?

Edit: a word

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 80 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm over 30, SpongeBob existed when I was in middle school.

[–] jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 23 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Yeah, I'm over 40. SpongeBob didn't exist when I was in high school.

[–] meep_launcher@lemm.ee 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hmmm with this we can deduce that SpongeBob was created sometime after 40 year olds went to highschool but before 30 year olds went to highschool 🤔

[–] expr@programming.dev 9 points 1 month ago

SpongeBob first aired in 1999, so if you were born '81 or later, it was probably on when you were in high school. But yeah if you're in your mid-late 40s you would have just missed it.

[–] CaptnNMorgan@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

And you think it's weird that people under 40 are on the internet? I'm almost 30 and SpongeBob has been on since I was in daipers

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[–] buddascrayon@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

This is where I remind you that 4chan has existed for over 21 years. Meaning that a kid born the day it started operation is now old enough to legally drink in the United States.

[–] frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

1999 grandpa. Anyone born after 1981 will have had the option of SpongeBob. That having been said it wasn't until the mid to late 2010s that I remember seeing grown ass adults obsessed with, and spouting lines from, a children's cartoon from 1999. So mostly 90s kids.

[–] Skanky@lemmy.world 48 points 1 month ago (2 children)

In before someone posts the green text story of a friendship of two straight dudes just being straight dudes having a good time blowing each other

[–] Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 month ago

That doesn't narrow it down as much as you'd think

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago
[–] blindbunny@lemmy.ml 42 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Being queer in HS was so fucking fun.

[–] odium@programming.dev 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

If you don't mind me asking, when were you in high school?

I was in high school in the late 2010s, in a red county in a red state, and there were a few openly queer ppl in my grade who were never bullied throughout high school.

I think it was because allies outnumbered the homophobes/transphobes and bullies only punch down, not up.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I was in high school in the late 00s early 10s and I remember guys in the locker room talking about how they'd murder a trans woman if one "tricked them". Around that point the only reason I didn't realize I was a trans woman was that I really didn't want to realize it.

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[–] VeganCheesecake@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I was in my countries equivalent in the late '00s and early '10s, and it ... really wasn't. So I'd say that's rather time and place dependent.

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[–] sudoer777@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Unless you go to a Christian high school, then it sucks

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[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 month ago

Ahh, they must've whispered "no homo" before getting in the showers together!

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 32 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Tim is getting married at ~22?

[–] weker01@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 month ago (17 children)

Is that strange where you are from?

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Indeed. Here most people are still either getting their education or just starting with work.

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[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 26 points 1 month ago (17 children)
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[–] bitflag@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Americans marry early. And often.

[–] gil2455526@lemmy.eco.br 26 points 1 month ago

Traumatize them back. Best revenge type.

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 month ago

This is not gay. A cock was touched, even stroked, but there is no mention of the soap. Did it fell? Did someone pick it up?

[–] unknown1234_5@kbin.earth 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Jumi@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If touching dick is gay almost every man is a homosexual

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

What about touching other peoples' dicks?

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