this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 1 points 20 minutes ago

You're supposed to pull the foreskin before pissing. Otherwise you're just asking for it.

[–] PissingIntoTheWind@lemmy.world 6 points 5 hours ago

Bros jerking too much and he isn’t cleaning his tip.

[–] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 10 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

wait until this guy sits down to pee without paying attention to how things are hanging and feels it running down his calves

ask me how I know

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago

Doing bottom surgery entirely to pee consistently

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 1 points 6 hours ago

Yup, been there. Not fun.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 19 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

It gets hard sometimes... 😞

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

Love the morning pee boner, where it seems like your dick is trying to ruin the start of your day

[–] knobpolisher@feddit.nl 13 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

I just piss into a wet vac

Hard to miss when it sucks the pee out

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 7 hours ago

how is space?

[–] Asidonhopo@lemmy.world 8 points 12 hours ago

I'll pee sitting down sometimes in my own home but peeing sitting down with a penis in a public restroom is gross. Regardless of whether your dick aims at the water or the side of the bowl that's a lot of fine spray of toilet microbiota landing on your junk and undercarriage. Better to just piss everywhere all over the seat and stay pure

[–] Resonosity@lemmy.dbzer0.com 65 points 19 hours ago (4 children)

Pee sitting down, you coward

[–] hedge_lord@lemmy.world 1 points 5 hours ago

Congratulations! The stream of your piss hit the rim of the toilet bowl, splattering on the seat, your balls, your legs, and some of it made it through the seat-rim gap to coat your underwear as well! I hope that you enjoy (I know I did...)!

(if it was not connected to my nervous system I would obliterate this thing with gratuitous violence)

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Touching that sweet cold porcelaine... Priceless.

[–] protogen420@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

it was hot when i moved here

[–] Olmai@lemmy.world 15 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

And close the lid before flushing, you nasties

(Added benefit: no arguing)

[–] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 2 points 7 hours ago

see, you and I (sane, logical people), say no arguing - but I've seen people argue against just always putting the lid down. I don't understand it. but they do it.

[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 13 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Seriously. Why stand, miss, clean up your own piss (now or later), then repeat all that every time? Also: standing causes splashing - it NEVER all goes into the bowl.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 8 points 13 hours ago

It'll shock you to learn that most men don't bother wiping after peeing, either. They just let it drip in their underwear.

For those of you that might say it doesn't matter — I am living proof of your error. You can wipe your dick after peeing, I know — outlandish.

[–] problembasedperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com 26 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (2 children)

So this happens because the urethra loses moisture and welds shut, then pee chooses the least-resistance path. If you can't pee sitting ('cause it's easier), one trick is to clamp your dick and push to pee, then release. The pressure will open the urethra wide and a beautiful, directed stream of piss will come out. Also, pull your foreskin back when peeing and clean afterwards with a dab of toilet paper. Fellating persons will thank you!

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 3 points 9 hours ago

Thanks for a urethra lifehack! Might save me at times :D

[–] UnfairUtan@lemmy.world 18 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

I stopped reading at "clamp your dick"

[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 1 points 18 minutes ago

Well, if that's too scary for you, you can always blow a bit into it to inflate the urethra.

[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 1 points 6 hours ago

The ol' dick clamp

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

That trick works. Before you pee, gently squeeze the tip vertically to open up the urethra.

[–] johsny@lemmy.world 12 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Usually I just slam mine in the door, twice for best results.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 12 hours ago

I do it regardless if I need to pee or not

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 7 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I think there's a gulf of difference between 'gently squeeze' and 'clamp your dick', but ok.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

That wasn't the trick they were talking about. They were saying to start peeing, but prevent the flow of urine to let pressure build up to blast open the urethra.

I'm no urologist, but that sounds unhealthy.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

Not dangerous but you'll prolly piss on your fingers.

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Oh, I misunderstood because that's abhorrent

[–] absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz 2 points 11 hours ago

But it works......probably should not use that as a test for things on your body....

It's all good if it works....NO!

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 67 points 23 hours ago (17 children)

So there's this really cool trick:

  1. Face AWAY from the toilet with the heels of your feet close to the base.

  2. Un-button/tie/velcro/zip the whole waistband (not just the fly) such that you can-

  3. Lower your entire pants to the floor.

Now this part can be a bit tricky and does take some practice to keep your balance but

  1. Bend your knees down into a squat while leaning ever so slightly backwards (you can put a hand on a nearby solid object such as the sink or a wall to steady yourself. They also make raised seats with handles on either side if you need help with this).

  2. Situate your buttocks firmly on the seat.

  3. Separate your thighs such that you can

  4. Point your penis down between your legs towards the toilet bowl.

  5. Proceed to urinate.

  6. Hygiene is the same as peeing using other techniques.

This technique is all but foolproof; it is almost impossible to miss the toilet bowl.

Hope this helps!

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 57 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

You forgot to state that the lid should be up

Now I've got piss everywhere

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[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 13 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] untorquer@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

No kink shaming. Simply put, "Under the seat" is NOT equivalent to "towards the bowel". If you get off on the gamble then flow free my friend.

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[–] Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 116 points 1 day ago (15 children)

or, y'know, you could sit down. saves on cleaning even when you fail at handling your dick.

[–] Ajen@sh.itjust.works 1 points 9 hours ago

If he chops it off he'll have to sit down anyway, so yeah...

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