this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2024
401 points (98.8% liked)

Greentext

4430 readers
1187 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old

people who wanted penguin in Minecraft after not voting in the mob vote:

[–] mcqtom@lemmy.world 118 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You may find you struggle with step 1.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 53 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I've been trying to do step one for years. But my bastard relatives refuse to die, and also refuse to be rich. Selfish I call it.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 5 points 1 month ago

Zoos tend to struggle with Step 7 and they have far better conditions than a beat up converted freighter

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 90 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Antarctica is generally colder than the Arctic. They would almost certainly be stuck along the coastlines of Antarctica like the penguins are, since the interior average temperatures rival the coldest ones ever recorded in the Arctic. They should be fine there, but then that means they have a very limited distribution and that penguins and seals consequently are always forced to share an environment with the polar bears. Because they're not used to the polar bears, their populations would likely be destroyed, leaving the polar bears to starve. Unlike in the Arctic, too, they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out. Outward is hundreds of kilometers of ocean, and inward is hundreds of kilometers of unsurvivable desert.

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 35 points 1 month ago (3 children)

they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out.

Um. Hello? There are scientists there.


Which means scientific papers, then tourists, then garbage and a symbiotic relationship, then the eventual domestication of polar bears.
Not, you know, the international scientific community treating scientists like cats.

[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

"Return Eenie or we feed another physicist to the bears. We know you fuckers took him."

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works 77 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Etymologists crying and shaking right now at the thought of Antarctica (meaning: without bears) gaining the one animal it's not supposed to have

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

I read that as entomologist for a second and was really confused

Figured it had something to do with fleas

[–] John_CalebBradberton@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This comment sent me down a rabbit hole. I had no idea the arctic is called that because it was the Greek for 'of the bear' because they used Ursa Major to guide them north. And the the arctic is the most northerly point.

Fucking wild. Mind blown.

[–] cevn@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Wdf how are we just learning this?! Can’t they teach it with the continent names??

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 65 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I'd say that if all you want to do is scare the shit out of some scientists in Antarctica you probably only need 1 polar bear

[–] hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Nah let's really confuse them. A lion.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

nah, it'd freeze to death too fast

Antarctica compatible fursuit of a lion

[–] notabot@lemm.ee 10 points 1 month ago

Spray-paint a polar bear orange and stick a mane on it. Confusing and scary.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TotalFat@lemmy.world 37 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I've recently learned that bears absolutely love cocaine. I'm sure that's relevant here somehow.

[–] Wooki@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Thats why polar bears have white coats

[–] felbane@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I thought they had white coats because they take their methamphetamine production lab very seriously.

[–] Wooki@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Pretty sure they are just rolling around in cocaine all day, hence why they are the most feared of the bears. Constantly off their head

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

4 million buy a freight boat

I work in supply chain but not a complete expert but the smallest cheapest working order freight ship I can find for sale is this one for $6MM, doesn't include licensing, crew, insurance and the dreyage/accessorial on live polar bears is gonna cost you big

https://petronav.net/container-ships-for-sale/container-adilia-i-ex-e-r-auckland

[–] petersr@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Does it really need to be a big container ship?

Didn't people transport stuff in smaller boats back in the day?

(You still make a valid point though)

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Idk, polar bears are really heavy, and it takes a long time to get from one end of the planet to the other, so you want something secure to store the bears in. That means a bigger ship that can handle angry bears hurling themselves at the walls of their cage, because they will wake up during the journey, and they won't be happy.

[–] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 month ago

Just do it while they're hibernating 4head

For some reason, just imagining this is fucking hilarious. OOP on a shipping container being mutinied by dozens of feral pissed of polar bears

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago

they did specify freight! although getting The Cutty Sark back in working order is probably even more costly.

[–] Ibaudia@lemmy.world 32 points 1 month ago (7 children)

I think the penguins would learn to just swim away, and the bears would starve since they would need to expend a lot of effort for a small bird versus the calorie-dense seals they're used to.

[–] Olgratin_Magmatoe@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (4 children)

To be fair, some penguins aren't exactly small

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That is a king penguin, not even the tallest subspecies (emperors are taller), but what you're looking at is an optical illusion because the penguin is much closer to the camera than the humans.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] WaterSword@discuss.tchncs.de 26 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Would work until the penguin pop. is too small and then they start dying out again

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So then part of the program needs to be penguin Viagra to keep the numbers up

[–] Plastic_Ramses@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Crude dark matter oil should do the job.

Penguin spanish fly.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] KazuchijouNo@lemy.lol 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Listen to this. How about we get a big boat, put the surviving penguins inside and ship them to the Artic!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 month ago

This reminds me of a friend that once proposed that if we really wanted to mess with Europe we could release a few packs of coyotes

[–] therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 19 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Then you have a penguin population crisis

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

Tbf we already have that due to glacier melt

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I was really hoping OP wanted to drop the polar bears on a tropical island. For science.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 1 month ago

only if you can find some weird magnetic anomaly and plane crash survivors

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 14 points 1 month ago (4 children)

would have to be quite a few bears to avoid heavy inbreeding

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No, you must keep the bloodline pure.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It depends on the goal. For example it'd work if you want to render every penguin species endangered or worse.

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Neal Stephenson book, Termination Shock.

[–] Sibbo@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 month ago

Sounds reasonable.

load more comments
view more: next ›