I've got nipples, Greg, can you milk me?
this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2026
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I'M OLD GREG
The British Bakeoff show is forever weird for me.
In case anyone was wondering: they're there in case you change your mind later on and want to transition. God left them there as a backup.
That was awfully nice of him, but then why does he always he sew up the vagina too? Kind of a dick move.
He assumed giving good access to the prostate as a pleasure center in the ass was close enough and called it a day
Why not make it self lubricating though??
Look man this entire sprint was only six days long and we had enough shit already planned, take your scope creep and shove it. Saliva works if you're dedicated enough and you're smart enough to invent Astroglide. Ship it
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him
he
Ahem.. are we assuming something?! Think about it.. if God made us in their image, God is a hermaphrodite with a split personality disorder. Thus males and females. This is basic stuff.
I have a friend who is a vicar, and she tends to use They/Them for God, which I find interesting.
I also met a few people who use different pronouns for the Holy Trinity. She/Her tends to be either the Holy Spirit or the Father (the Father being She/Her seemed odd to me, but this person felt quite strongly that the Holy Spirit was They/Them, and that Jesus was He/Him).
They/Them tends to be used for either the Holy Spirit or Jesus (Jesus says "I am He" at one point, and the argument here is that this isn't Jesus saying his pronouns are He/Him, but rather that "He" refers to the entity who made Jesus — I.e. God).
He/Him tends to be used for Jesus or the Father.
Even amongst people who don't use pronouns other than He/Him for the Christian God or one of God's aspects, I've heard quite a few people argue that He/Him != he/him (and that They/Them != they/them etc.) and thus God uses neopronouns.
I always tend to use 'they' when the gender is unknown. I read it somewhere long ago and thought.. wait.. why is this plural? And learned it is a gender neutral pronoun. I refer to everyone I don't know as 'they' now. God is more of an 'it' in my mind, but that's beside the point.
Could they just leave everything on there then? That would make things SO much easier.
It was a group project between the pantheons of old, Odin thought it was funny and Zeus was being dick. Everyone else was kinda okay with their suggestions though.
a dick move
Heheh
talk to him about non-nippulous topics, like football, or canned beer (do NOT mention draft)
Or, say "hey how are your nipples" and when he says "what" you reply "what" too, to play with his mind. Then he will question wether the first nipple conversation even happened
I can get behind full-on nipple torturing someone’s dad. Constantly mispronounce words- refer to nickels as nipples as you pay for small items. Talking about your city should involve at least occasionally saying something to the effect of “I’m a big fan of this areola, but that one’s been sucked dry by greedy housing developers.”
Maybe cut the nipples out of your shirts. Definitely cut the nipples out of his shirts. Ask him whether he’s cold, glance down, and then adjust the thermostat without waiting to hear his answer.
Change your lock screen photo to a cropped version of this. Replace your light fixtures with boob lights and ask him to help tighten the nipples. “Just give them a twist, I’m begging you.” Serve him Vietnamese milk melons daily. In fact, every meal or snack has to involve dairy or dairy alternative milks.
Yeah, I think I could get this guy’s dad to cry within 2 days. 3 if he’s vegan.
Damn! That's far beyond what I was proposing... this took a dark turn... dark and pointy turn
Jesus Christ! Go back to waterboarding people in Gitmo, you don't belong in polite society!
Are you some sort of torture mastermind? Holy fuck 😂 even accounting for potential difficulties.
Dastardly
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Football balls have nipples though.
It is where you blow them up with.
I've been using dynamite all wrong. It's no wonder I was kicked off the team.
Help. What if I already mentioned draft
Well now he's going to rant about Vietnam
I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?
I know someone who this actually happened to! They're a vet and some woman came in saying her male cat had bugs stuck to him. When told they were nipples this woman literally said the same thing. 🤦♂️
Anon, both you and your dad are probably autistic.
Just wait till he learns that the clitoris is a micro penis and that those folds women have, are the prelude to testicles.
We are all sexless creatures that could go either way and depending on the sperm, we become man or woman.
I'd say the penis is an engorged clit. But I guess it's a perspective thing.
Your perspective is more correct, because it starts out tiny and gets bigger. Clitoris is the default.
when does it get bigger? almost 40years and I'm still waiting
Check your spam folder
Have you ever thought about anything erotic, such as rhubarb?
It only grows due to testosterone exposure during pre-natal development. It can grow a little bit in AFAB individuals who take testosterone but if you're AMAB and it's fully developed it's as big as it'll get for you.
Find porn you enjoy, watch it grow.
That is even better of an explanation!
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Men can lactate, just in case you were wondering:
Yeah, I always hate when people ask why men have nipples.
Its so you can fucking breast feed, Greg! Just cause you aren't doesnt make them useless, your body wanted the option, your shame about not taking advantage of that has nothing on biology.
I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?
My mind was blown by this tidbit... TIL. Newborn babies of both sexes can occasionally produce milk. This is called neonatal milk (also as "witch's milk") and not considered male lactation.
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Do male mice have nipples? Why?
That was my take-home open-book exam from a somewhat eccentric developmental biology professor back when I was in college. I remember that the answer is no (although they still have mammary tissue and can get breast cancer) but not why.
Apparently male horses also do not have nipples. I learned that just now when I was searching for "male mice nipples". TIL. I hope no one ever finds my search history.
They would probably rub on the ground
Or, or, the male horses with nipples spent too much time poking their own nipples with their penis for sexual stimulation and it means they removed themselves from the gene pool.
This means male horses selected for less and less prominent nipples until they became completely flat chested.
I like the way you think.
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