This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
A good reminder that a lot of the time, your boss is in a similar situation than you are, just a few salary levels higher and tasked to keep the morale high. Imagine if we got everyone below C level in a union, what kind of bargain power that would have... a man can dream
if you're both drinking the duis cancel each other out
Had something similar happen. After work I lit up a blunt before driving home, and pulled up next to my manager at a red light as he was lighting his.
It ended up saving my ass, because I cut my thumb open a month later, and he saw me in the break room with a wad of bloody paper towels on it.
Instead of starting the workplace injury crap that would have resulted in a drug test, he just said, "got yourself a bit of a paper cut, huh?"
The cut was 100% my fault for using a box cutter stupidly, and wasn't bad enough to need medical attention.
Glad to hear it went fine. Sad to hear that you could not get medical attention without risking your livelyhood. That is so fucked up 😢
Yeah, it's definitely stupid that smoking weed within 30 days of the injury fucks you.
But I wouldn't have gotten medical attention regardless. Applying pressure and holding the wound 12in above the heart is all you need the majority of the time for minor to moderate wounds.
Lol yeah, fingers can be dramatic. I cut off a part of my fingernail as a blood sacrifice for using a mandolin instead of chopping my celery normally (worth it, mandolin is so much faster) and there was so much blood from that tiny little wound. Had no idea if I should wrap it up and just get back to making lasagna or go to the ER because it just kept bleeding, preventing me from putting ointment on it. I eventually made a zip tie touniquette and it slowed down enough to slap some ointment and bandaids on it.
The lasagna turned out really well, though finished a bit later than intended.
I understand a mandolin to be a musical instrument. I have no idea wtf this comment is talking about.
One of those vegetable slicers, spelled mandoline. Image search for "mandoline cutter" but without the safety gloves or plastic thing, back of my finger went just a little too low and caught the blade right on the fingernail and it went through it like nothing.
Get some steri-strips/butterfly bandages. That's how I reattached the tip of my thumb when I cut it almost completely off with a mandolin.
Lol I bought a bunch of fingertip ones expecting to need to wear them for like two months while my fingernail grew back. Instead the skin under it healed to the point where running water on it felt normal instead of like someone stuck a blowtorch on it and I've only got a slight indent left after only 3 weeks.
So I'm well stocked on finger bandaids for the next blood sacrifice (which of course I could only find in packages that had the knuckle type as well, so I have even more of those lol).
Yeah, the nail bed can be pretty wild. It contains stem cells that can actually regrow part of your finger if it doesn't also get cut off.
What's fun is that the piece I reattached wasn't lined up perfectly, so now a portion of my fingerprint is wonky like 10 years later.
Also it would be cool to have a misaligned fingerprint. If you do crime, they might end up spending extra time figuring out if someone is trying to leave fake prints behind but isn't good at it.
One part I'm still not very clear on is if the nail bed refers to the entire area under the nails or just the part at the base of the nail, where it grows from.
My incident didn't touch that base but absolutely exposed some of that skin underneath. The regrown nail seems to be adhering well to that skin, too (that was my biggest worry, that I'd be left with a "bubble" of nail seperate from the skin underneath).
The nail bed is the part under the nail. The germinal matrix is the part that grows the nail and has the stem cells, iirc. It's under and behind the cuticle.
It's pretty hard to get the nail to not stick to the nail bed. I had both big toenails permanently removed, but eventually a very thin layer of nail came back a year or two later, and it's as affixed as strongly as the old nail was.
Well, actually stronger because I used to remove the nails myself to avoid the surgery to fix ingrown nails, and eventually they just kinda popped off without issue.
Well that got a shudder out of me. Hope it isn't as unpleasant as it sounds for you these days.
We don't have this problem in West Europe, you can by alcohol in any grocery store.
Along side your 20-pack of first price beer, 1 bottle of vodka, 1 bottle of red wine, you add a cucumber and a box of condoms to make it less awkward. People then assume you're going to have a fun party and definitely not get shit faced on your own 👍
Vinnmonopolet?
That's Northern Europe.
Alcohol regulation varies from state to state. You can get beer and wine in grocery stores in most states. For liquor, it's a little less than half of them.
And some states have drive-through liquor stores
Yee haw North Cackalacky
Also you have functioning public mass transit where you can have someone else convey your drunk ass to the other side of town, for little to no expense.
You can do that in the more civilized states, too.
My former boss had trouble buying beer sometimes because he's short and thin and made the mistake of going with another coworker who permanently looks under eighteen years old. He said he ain't making that mistake again.
Meanwhile, during covid, my method of verifying the age was pulling the mask down.
We also got thoroughly blazed all together at multiple times, locations, and various configurations of other coworkers and drugs of choice. We were in programming.
BS you can't get a DWI in a private parking lot.
You absolutely can. You can get a DWI while just sitting in your vehicle in a parking lot with the engine off.
My dad got arrested and charged w dui in his friend's kitchen because the cops found his turned off car on the side of the road one winter night and followed his footsteps half a mile to his friend's house. They busted him cuz he left the keys in the ignition.
This changes everything!! I’m gonna get so blasted and drive around my neighbor’s yard
You likely can
Yeah, unfortunately you can get a DWI for pulling over and napping in your car on the side of the road because you didn't feel safe driving. Because they argue how else did you get there if not by driving. And I suppose no one sober would choose to start drinking on the side of the road in a car.
A good challenge to this might be to use an acceptable BAC testing model right out of the box to record your BAC of 0.00, driving to the side of a road police travel by, retesting BAC of 0.00, removing alcohol from trunk, drinking and testing your BAC until an officer arrests you, then using the video and data for visual aids in the jury trial in your defense.
You'll likely still get some fine for being considered to have wasted the states' time & money, and may even lose if you're unattractive and/or arbitrarily considered a public nuissance. But you'd likely be among the most cited case law for cases involving the dumbest college kids (e.g. me, based on how much time I've spent on this).
Yeah, unfortunately you can get a DWI for pulling over and napping in your car on the side of the road because you didn’t feel safe driving. Because they argue how else did you get there if not by driving. And I suppose no one sober would choose to start drinking on the side of the road in a car.
It's even worse than that. You can be parked right outside of a bar and still get a DWI, because if you're in the driver's seat and could conceivably access the keys, you're considered to be 'in control of the vehicle', which is all it takes. So if you're going to do this, make sure the car isn't running, the keys aren't anywhere near the ignition, and you're in the back seat.
Back around 2005 or so, I was stationed in Japan with the US military. A buddy of mine parked his car on the shopping strip in front of the military base's main gate and then walked to a bar. Later that night, intoxicated, he stumbled back to his car, intent to sleep it off in the back seat before going home.
A gate guard saw him drunkenly ambling toward his car with a key in hand and ran after him. Busted him for a DUI on the spot. Dude didn't even get into his car and he got a charge on his permanent military record for intent to drive under the influence of alcohol.
I dunno how things work in the civilian sector (I don't drink at all), but the military doesn't play games. If you're drunk and have access to a car key and a vehicle, they'll bust you.
That's fucked up.
And I suppose no one sober would choose to start drinking on the side of the road in a car.
And guess what: having an open container of alcohol in a car is its own separate crime, just to make sure all those bases are covered.
And I suppose no one sober would choose to start drinking on the side of the road in a car.
You underestimate me.
You 100% can. People have gotten DUIs for operating a Zamboni while drunk, which is a vehicle that drives entirely in a closed environment not on the roadway.
You can get a DUI for driving anything while intoxicated that requires a drivers license to operate, regardless of where you are operating it. You can also get a DUI for operating anything on a roadway while intoxicated regardless of if it requires a license, like a bicycle, ATV, golf cart, etc.
That said, people who get blasted and drive around their own privately owned fields are not likely to get caught. That doesnt mean that just because they dont get caught that its not illegal to do
I'm fairly certain you can do whatever you want on your own property drunk.
That said, cops are dicks and will arrest you anyway and you'll probably get a lawyer to have a judge dismiss it later. But after you are arrested and paid for a lawyer and spent some time in jail.
I've heard people say to throw your keys in the trunk if you want to sleep in your car. But again, cops will be dicks about it anyway. I wish they'd just make it explicitly legal to sleep it off in a car.
Im not going to dispute the reality that doing whatever you want on your own property, assuming its large enough that youre basically alone, is kind of de facto legal in the sense that you most likely wont get in trouble for doing it.
But, that doesnt make it actually legal. The way that most state laws on DUIs are written you can get a DUI doing a lot of things that are nothing like driving a car on a public roadway.
One example: a Zamboni DUI in Fargo, ND where the defense contested that you cant get a DUI on a zam under state law
Defense attorney Lindsey Haugen said during the bench trial Tuesday that the law is not clear whether a Zamboni is considered a vehicle, or whether it is illegal to drive the machine on the ice while drunk. He also said witnesses are hazy on whether Anderson drove the Zamboni on a road behind the arena to dump ice or whether that road was accessible to other vehicles.
But Municipal Court Judge Stephen Dawson said state law is written to include vehicles "such as" a Zamboni.
Afterward, Haugen said his research of DUI law found specific vehicles such as tractors, snowmobiles, recreational vehicles and boats, but he found no references to a Zamboni.
Looking at this, you can clearly see that the law in ND outlines a ton of stuff that tends to happen on private (or otherwise closed) property and not on a roadway using a car. Boating is an obvious example since its in the water, but recreational vehicles definitely refers to ATVs and side by sides or whatever they call them. Tractors are driven on roadways sometimes but obviously most of their use is on private land. Snowmobiling also doesnt occur on open roadways, and at most occasionally crosses them.
If a snowmobiler is drunk and hits a snowshoer or crashes on a privately owned mountain, they still will get a DUI. If a guy operates a zamboni drunk in a private non-profit ice rink they still get a DUI. If you got drunk and went go-karting you could get a DUI.
If you get wasted and do donuts on your own private field, whether in a snowmobile, a truck, or a zamboni, legally you could definitely get a DUI. But you wouldn’t probably get one. There is a worthwhile distinction to be made there. If you and a friend get wasted and take the ‘boni out to whip shitties in your private field, but he flies off and dies, you’re definitely getting a DUI in the investigation of that death
It’s all very “if a tree drives drunk in the middle of a forest, but no one is around to see it, is it a DUI?” The answer is still yes, or at least it would be in a world where trees drive cars
I'm sure it varies by state/municipality, but people have gotten DUIs in the US for falling asleep in their car in their own driveway
Cops will arrest you because they have no repurcussions if they are wrong. Doesn't mean the charge is valid or it will stick in court.
You definitely can lol, I would not recommend trying.
What country? You totally can in Canada, especially if you cause a crash
RISA do you have endless greentexts??
Basically ya